The graph below shows the changes in the maximum number of Asian elephants between 1994 and 2007.
Sample Response
The bar graph provides information on the number of elephants in different countries between 1997 and 2004. Generally speaking, in India and Myanmar, the maximum number of elephants inhabited and the total number of elephants decreased over time. As is presented in the bar graph, approximately 10 thousand elephants lived in India in 1997 which was the highest among the given countries. Myanmar is the second largest country for elephants’ dwelling. Vietnam, Cambodia, Laos and China had about 1000 elephants in 1997 while Malaysia, Sri Lanka and Thailand had roughly 3000 elephants. The least number of elephants were in China in 1997. After 7 years, in 2004, the number of elephants in all countries decreased except in Laos. The number of elephant in India fell to 7500 in 2004 while this number decreased to 4800 in Myanmar and only to 1200 in Thailand. Cambodia is the only country where the total number of elephants increased while the number reached to an alarming number of less than 500 in China. In summary, India, Myanmar and Thailand had the largest number of elephant among the given countries and except in Cambodia and Laos, elephants presence decreased only in 7 years which is alarming for the existence of this species.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use closer estimate Original: approximately 10 thousand elephants Suggested revision: approximately 9,800 elephants Why it matters: India's first bar is slightly below 10,000.
- 2. Correct first year Original: 1997 Suggested revision: 1994 Why it matters: The graph compares 1994 with 2007, not 1997 with 2004.
- 3. Describe population accurately Original: Myanmar is the second largest country for elephants’ dwelling Suggested revision: Myanmar had the second-largest elephant population Why it matters: The graph ranks elephant populations rather than the physical size of countries.
- 4. Correct comparison year Original: in 1997 while Malaysia Suggested revision: in 1994, while Malaysia Why it matters: The earlier series represents 1994.
- 5. Reflect Thailand difference Original: roughly 3000 elephants Suggested revision: about 3,000 to 3,700 elephants Why it matters: Thailand is near 3,700, while Malaysia and Sri Lanka are near 3,000.
- 6. Correct China year Original: 1997 Suggested revision: 1994 Why it matters: China's earlier value belongs to 1994.
- 7. Correct period and year Original: After 7 years, in 2004 Suggested revision: Thirteen years later, in 2007 Why it matters: The two observations are 13 years apart, from 1994 to 2007.
- 8. Use plural noun Original: elephant Suggested revision: elephants Why it matters: Elephant must be plural after number of.
- 9. Correct later year Original: 7500 in 2004 Suggested revision: 7,500 in 2007 Why it matters: The lower India figure corresponds to 2007.
- 10. Use closer Myanmar value Original: 4800 in Myanmar Suggested revision: about 4,700 in Myanmar Why it matters: Myanmar's later bar is closer to 4,700 than 4,800.
- 11. Remove misleading limiter Original: only to 1200 in Thailand Suggested revision: to about 1,200 in Thailand Why it matters: Only adds an unclear comparison while about appropriately signals estimation.
- 12. Fix plural noun phrase Original: largest number of elephant among Suggested revision: largest elephant populations among Why it matters: The sentence compares plural populations across several countries.
Suggested Rewrites
- approximately 10 thousand elephants approximately 9,800 elephants
- 1997 1994
- Myanmar is the second largest country for elephants’ dwelling Myanmar had the second-largest elephant population
- in 1997 while Malaysia in 1994, while Malaysia
- roughly 3000 elephants about 3,000 to 3,700 elephants
- 1997 1994
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response selects the dominant countries and communicates the overall decline clearly, while using several relevant figures to compare 1997 with 2004. Its main weakness is a contradiction over whether Cambodia increased, alongside some imprecise descriptions and awkward language. The highest-priority improvement is to give one accurate overview that consistently identifies Cambodia as rising and Laos as broadly stable while the other populations fell.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The main pattern and leading populations are covered with mostly appropriate figures, but the account contradicts itself about Cambodia and inaccurately says Laos increased.
State consistently that Cambodia rose, Laos remained approximately unchanged, and all other countries declined.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information progresses from the broad trend to country comparisons and a concluding summary, but repetition, one-paragraph presentation, and the Cambodia contradiction disrupt cohesion.
Use separate overview and detail paragraphs, and group countries by sharp decline, modest decline, increase, or stability.
Lexical Resource
The response has adequate range for describing change and ranking, though several word choices and collocations sound unnatural or imprecise.
Prefer precise phrases such as elephant population, was home to, declined to, and remained stable.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied sentence structures and remains clear, despite recurring errors in noun number, articles, possessives, and prepositions.
Check plural agreement and noun phrases, especially numbers of elephants and the elephant population, while removing unnecessary prepositions after reached.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graph below shows the changes in the maximum number of Asian elephants between 1994 and 2007.
Your response
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