The graph below gives information about the preferred leisure activities of Australian children.
Sample Response
The given bar graph represents data on the children’s leisure activities in Australia. As is presented in the graph, both boys and girls from five to fourteen years old prefer to watch video or TV, ride a bike and play computer games in their leisure time.
According to the graph, all the boys and girls of the 5 to 14 year age group prefer to watch TV and video. This is the most common leisure activity among the Australian children. The second most popular activity among boys and girls is playing computer games and more boys prefer to play games than girls. Bike riding is another popular leisure activity and boys prefer it than the girls as more than 75% of boys do it while less than 60% of girls prefer it. Interestingly girls have more involvement in art and craft than boys and almost 60% girls are involved in these two activities compared to the less than 40% boys. The least popular activity is skating and rollerblading which is preferred by boys than girls.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Overview focus Original: both boys and girls from five to fourteen years old prefer to watch video or TV, ride a bike and play computer games Suggested revision: watching TV/videos was universal, while bike riding and computer games were also popular Why it matters: The overview should highlight the clearest main feature rather than listing three activities equally.
- 2. Quantifier Original: all the boys and girls Suggested revision: all boys and girls Why it matters: The article “the” is unnecessary for a general group.
- 3. Compound age form Original: 5 to 14 year age group Suggested revision: 5-to-14-year age group Why it matters: Use hyphens in a compound adjective before a noun.
- 4. Activity label Original: prefer to watch TV and video Suggested revision: reported watching TV or videos Why it matters: The graph shows participation, not necessarily preference.
- 5. Ranking accuracy Original: The second most popular activity among boys and girls is playing computer games Suggested revision: Computer games are the second most common activity for boys, while bike riding is close for girls Why it matters: Girls’ bike riding and electronic games are similar, so the ranking needs care.
- 6. Comparison form Original: prefer it than the girls Suggested revision: do it more than girls Why it matters: Use “more than”, not “than” after “prefer it”.
- 7. Approximation Original: more than 75% of boys do it Suggested revision: about 75% of boys do it Why it matters: The bar is around 75%, not clearly above it.
- 8. Data precision Original: less than 60% of girls prefer it Suggested revision: around 60% of girls do it Why it matters: The girls’ figure is close to 60%.
- 9. Missing preposition Original: almost 60% girls Suggested revision: almost 60% of girls Why it matters: Use “of” after a percentage before a noun.
- 10. Awkward determiner Original: the less than 40% boys Suggested revision: less than 40% of boys Why it matters: Remove “the” and add “of”.
- 11. Gender-specific precision Original: The least popular activity is skating and rollerblading Suggested revision: Skateboarding or rollerblading is the least common activity for both genders Why it matters: The chart label includes skateboarding or rollerblading.
- 12. Comparison accuracy Original: which is preferred by boys than girls Suggested revision: with about 40% of boys compared with around 25% of girls Why it matters: Add approximate figures and use a correct comparison.
Suggested Rewrites
- both boys and girls from five to fourteen years old prefer to watch video or TV, ride a bike and play computer games watching TV/videos was universal, while bike riding and computer games were also popular
- all the boys and girls all boys and girls
- 5 to 14 year age group 5-to-14-year age group
- prefer to watch TV and video reported watching TV or videos
- The second most popular activity among boys and girls is playing computer games Computer games are the second most common activity for boys, while bike riding is close for girls
- prefer it than the girls do it more than girls
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The answer identifies the main activities and gender differences, including universal TV/video watching and stronger female participation in art and craft. Some figures are vague or inaccurate, especially for skating and rollerblading.
Add approximate percentages for each activity and state that boys participate more in all activities except art and craft, while TV/video is equal.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is logically organised with an overview and details, though the second paragraph is long and several comparisons are chained together.
Split the details into high-participation activities and lower-participation activities.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is adequate but repetitive, with frequent “prefer” and “activity”.
Use “participation”, “proportion”, “boys outnumber girls”, and “by comparison” to vary the report.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
There are recurring errors with articles, comparative structures and plural nouns, but meaning remains clear.
Use “prefer it to girls” only when comparing choices; for chart data, use “a higher proportion of boys than girls”.