The graph below shows the number of books read by men and women at Burnaby Public Library from 2011 to 2014.
Sample Response
The line graph presents data on the number of books read by men and women at the Burnaby public library from 2011 to 2014.
Overall, initially women readers read more books and showed more interests in reading at Burnaby Public Library but at the later period, male readers showed more interests in reading books while that was the opposite in the case of the women readers.
In the beginning, during 2011, more books were read by women readers, i.e. 5,500 than men readers, i.e. 2500 respectively in this library. In the following two years, there was a surge in the number of books enjoyed by both sexes. However, while there was a slight rise for the book read by women, that by men, on the contrary, rose at a significant pace during this period. In 2013, the number of books read by both male and female met at an equidistant point where both men and women had read at around 10,000 books. But in 2014, we found an opposite reaction towards reading by both men and women. On one side, men reached a peak at around 14000 book reads by them, women readers, on the other side, read a significantly fewer number of books, seven thousand only.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Capitalise proper name Original: the Burnaby public library Suggested revision: the Burnaby Public Library Why it matters: Burnaby Public Library is a proper name and requires capitals.
- 2. Improve overview flow Original: Overall, initially women readers Suggested revision: Overall, women initially Why it matters: Placing the adverb after the subject creates a smoother overview opening.
- 3. Use natural time phrase Original: at the later period Suggested revision: later in the period Why it matters: Later in the period is the idiomatic expression for this trend.
- 4. Describe measured data Original: male readers showed more interests in reading books Suggested revision: men read more books Why it matters: The graph measures books read rather than interest in reading.
- 5. Repair contrast clause Original: while that was the opposite in the case of the women readers Suggested revision: whereas the figure for women declined Why it matters: The revision states the contrasting trend in a grammatical clause.
- 6. Use chart terminology Original: enjoyed Suggested revision: read Why it matters: The graph records reading totals and does not measure enjoyment.
- 7. Correct trend description Original: a slight rise for the book read by women Suggested revision: a steady rise in the number of books read by women Why it matters: The women's figure rose from 5,000 to 8,000 and then 10,000, which was substantial and steady.
- 8. Clarify comparison reference Original: that by men Suggested revision: the figure for men Why it matters: The explicit noun phrase avoids an unclear pronoun reference.
- 9. Use concise contrast Original: on the contrary Suggested revision: in contrast Why it matters: In contrast fits this comparison without the stronger corrective meaning of on the contrary.
- 10. Use parallel nouns Original: both male and female Suggested revision: both men and women Why it matters: The original combines adjectives where plural nouns are required.
- 11. Use precise graph verb Original: met at an equidistant point Suggested revision: converged Why it matters: Converged precisely describes the two lines meeting at the same value.
- 12. Correct verb pattern Original: had read at around Suggested revision: read around Why it matters: The simple past is appropriate and read does not take at before the number.
Suggested Rewrites
- the Burnaby public library the Burnaby Public Library
- Overall, initially women readers Overall, women initially
- at the later period later in the period
- male readers showed more interests in reading books men read more books
- while that was the opposite in the case of the women readers whereas the figure for women declined
- enjoyed read
Why this response received Band 6.5
The report captures the central crossover in 2013 and the contrasting final directions, while organising the account in a broadly logical sequence. However, the opening values are inaccurate, the 2012 figures are omitted, and several awkward expressions make otherwise clear comparisons less precise. Prioritise checking every plotted value and describing each trend with natural, economical language.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The overview identifies the main trends and crossover, but inaccurate 2011 values and omission of the 2012 figures reduce precision and coverage.
Report the correct starting figures of 3,000 for men and 5,000 for women and include the distinct 2012 values.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction, overview, and details progress logically, though some linking expressions are overloaded or awkwardly combined.
Use simpler contrast links and group the two series consistently by year or by gender.
Lexical Resource
There is adequate trend vocabulary, but frequent unnatural phrases such as more interests, equidistant point, and book reads reduce precision.
Prefer standard graph language such as showed greater interest, reached the same figure, and books read.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts varied complex sentences, but agreement, plural, article, and comparison errors recur despite meaning remaining clear.
Check noun forms and comparison clauses carefully, especially interests, books read, and sentences contrasting the two groups.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graph below shows the number of books read by men and women at Burnaby Public Library from 2011 to 2014.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.