The graph below shows the number of books read by men and women at Burnaby Public Library from 2011 to 2014.
Sample Response
The line graph provides information regarding how many books people read in Burnaby Public Library between 2011 and 2014. As it is seen, men and women demonstrated different trends of reading library books. In 2011, around 3000 books were read by men, this number increased slightly by 1000 books in 2012. There was a drastic growth by 6000 books read by men over a span of 6 years reaching 10000 books. This growth continued further till 2014 when it stood at 14000 books. On the other hand, women started with 5000 books in 2011 which rose sharply to 8000 books in 2012, and 10000 books in 2013. At this point, this number dipped dramatically to 8000 books in 2014. It is worth noticing that, although women read more books between 2011 and 2013, their reading dropped than that of men in 2014. In contrast, men demonstrated a sharp rise in the number of reading books over a period of 3 years.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Correct preposition Original: in Suggested revision: at Why it matters: At is the natural preposition for activity occurring at a library.
- 2. Fix passive phrase Original: As it is seen Suggested revision: As can be seen Why it matters: As can be seen is the correct passive reporting expression.
- 3. Use natural noun phrase Original: different trends of reading library books Suggested revision: different trends in the number of library books read Why it matters: The revision expresses the measured quantity clearly and naturally.
- 4. Fix comma splice Original: men, this Suggested revision: men; this Why it matters: A semicolon correctly joins the two independent clauses.
- 5. State change directly Original: slightly by 1000 books Suggested revision: by 1,000 books Why it matters: A rise from 3,000 to 4,000 is clearer when reported directly without the debatable qualifier slightly.
- 6. Remove redundancy Original: continued further Suggested revision: continued Why it matters: Continued already conveys further movement, so further is redundant.
- 7. Use formal time word Original: till Suggested revision: until Why it matters: Until is more appropriate in formal academic reporting.
- 8. Clarify the subject Original: it stood at 14000 books Suggested revision: the figure reached 14,000 books Why it matters: The figure needs an explicit grammatical subject and a natural trend verb.
- 9. Use exact time link Original: At this point Suggested revision: In 2014 Why it matters: The transition should identify the year in which the decline occurred.
- 10. Correct 2014 value Original: 8000 books in 2014 Suggested revision: 7,000 books in 2014 Why it matters: The women's line ends at 7,000 books in 2014.
- 11. Fix introductory phrase Original: It is worth noticing that, Suggested revision: Notably, Why it matters: The original construction contains an unnecessary comma after that.
- 12. Correct comparison period Original: between 2011 and 2013 Suggested revision: in 2011 and 2012 Why it matters: Women led only in 2011 and 2012 because both groups reached 10,000 in 2013.
Suggested Rewrites
- in at
- As it is seen As can be seen
- different trends of reading library books different trends in the number of library books read
- men, this men; this
- slightly by 1000 books by 1,000 books
- continued further continued
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response covers both series, identifies the contrasting overall directions, and includes most of the key figures. However, important details are inaccurate: the men's rise from 2012 to 2013 lasted one year rather than six, the 2014 figure for women was about 7,000, and the groups were equal in 2013. Prioritise accurate comparisons and time spans before refining language.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The main trends and most data points are reported, but several inaccurate values and comparisons weaken the account.
Verify the one-year rise for men to 10,000 in 2013, the equality of both groups that year, and the women's fall to about 7,000 in 2014.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response moves logically from men's figures to women's figures and a final comparison, although progression is weakened by the single-paragraph format and a comma splice.
Use an overview paragraph followed by separate detail paragraphs for the two periods or series, with complete sentences for each key change.
Lexical Resource
There is adequate vocabulary for describing trends, but recurring awkward collocations reduce precision and naturalness.
Use natural forms such as 'the number of books read', 'fell below the figure for men', and 'rose by 6,000'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts varied sentence structures, but errors in clause boundaries, comparison forms, and phrasing occur repeatedly.
Correct run-on sentences and comparison structures, especially by separating the 2011 and 2012 figures and replacing 'dropped than' with 'fell below'.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graph below shows the number of books read by men and women at Burnaby Public Library from 2011 to 2014.
Your response
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