The graph below shows the number of books read by men and women at Burnaby Public Library from 2011 to 2014.
Sample Response
The line graph illustrates changes in reading habits of male and female readers at Burnaby public library, in 3 years, starting from 2011. Overall, women read more books than males in 2011 at Burnaby Public Library, but the number of books that men read continually increased as time went by while for women, this figure declined after having risen steadily for the first 2 years. In details, men and women read 3,000 and 5,000 books respectively in 2011 at Burnaby Public Library. And it clearly shows that women enjoyed more books than men did. And in the following year, while the number of books men finished reading increased by one-third, it increased by 5 thousand for women, exactly twice as many books as the figure for men. It is worth noticing that women and men read the same number of books (10,000) in the year 2013, as men's interest in books skyrocketed. Women also read more books this year than in 2012, but the change was less noticeable (exactly a quarter). Additionally, the figure for men furtherly surged to 14 thousand books in 2014, but there was a fall regarding the reading habits of women, as the number of books went down to 7 thousand.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Capitalize proper name Original: at Burnaby public library, in Suggested revision: at Burnaby Public Library, in Why it matters: All words in the institution's proper name should be capitalized.
- 2. Use consistent label Original: males Suggested revision: men Why it matters: “Men” matches both the graph label and the term used elsewhere in the response.
- 3. Fix fixed expression Original: details Suggested revision: detail Why it matters: The standard reporting phrase uses the singular uncountable form “detail.”
- 4. Improve sentence connection Original: And it clearly shows Suggested revision: This shows Why it matters: The demonstrative creates a cleaner link to the preceding figures.
- 5. Report measured quantity Original: enjoyed Suggested revision: read Why it matters: The graph records books read and does not measure enjoyment.
- 6. Correct the increase Original: increased by 5 thousand for women Suggested revision: increased by 3,000 for women Why it matters: The women's figure rises from 5,000 in 2011 to 8,000 in 2012.
- 7. Avoid unsupported interpretation Original: as men's interest in books skyrocketed Suggested revision: as the number read by men rose sharply Why it matters: The graph shows book totals rather than readers' level of interest.
- 8. Use correct adverb Original: furtherly Suggested revision: further Why it matters: “Furtherly” is not the standard adverb in this context.
- 9. Name measured variable Original: reading habits of male and female readers Suggested revision: numbers of books read by men and women Why it matters: The graph measures book totals rather than reading habits generally.
- 10. Use concise trend language Original: continually increased as time went by Suggested revision: increased throughout the period Why it matters: The replacement reports the sustained rise more concisely.
- 11. Improve comparison structure Original: while for women, this figure Suggested revision: whereas the figure for women Why it matters: “Whereas” creates a clearer grammatical contrast between the two series.
- 12. Use chart terminology Original: the number of books men finished reading Suggested revision: the number of books read by men Why it matters: The replacement matches the wording of the graph and avoids unnecessary phrasing.
Suggested Rewrites
- at Burnaby public library, in at Burnaby Public Library, in
- males men
- details detail
- And it clearly shows This shows
- enjoyed read
- increased by 5 thousand for women increased by 3,000 for women
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response gives a clear overview of the contrasting trends and covers every year with mostly accurate comparisons, including the crossover in 2013 and the wide gap in 2014. The main limitation is an incorrect claim that women’s figure rose by 5,000 in 2012, alongside some awkward or informal trend language. Prioritise verifying each calculated change and presenting the yearly comparisons in cleaner, more concise sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The overview is clear and nearly all key values and changes are accurately reported, with only a minor period description and one incorrect 2012 increase.
State that the graph covers four years and correct the women’s rise from 5,000 to 8,000 as an increase of 3,000.
Coherence and Cohesion
The chronology and comparisons are easy to follow, though repeated sentence openings with And and limited paragraphing reduce smoothness.
Place the overview in its own paragraph and combine the annual details into two balanced comparison paragraphs.
Lexical Resource
A good range of trend vocabulary communicates sharp and gradual changes, but choices such as enjoyed books and furtherly surged are unnatural.
Prefer read more books, rose further, converged, and fell back to describe the changes precisely.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Varied complex structures are generally clear, but several article, preposition, adverb, and reference errors remain noticeable.
Correct forms such as over four years, in detail, rose by 3,000 for women, and increased further.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graph below shows the number of books read by men and women at Burnaby Public Library from 2011 to 2014.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.