The graph below shows the number of books read by men and women at Burnaby Public Library from 2011 to 2014.
Sample Response
The line graph illustrates the number of books read by both sexes from 2011 to 2014 at Burnaby Public Library. Initially, men’s interest in reading books was slightly less than women, although it continues to rise significantly than women ultimately. In addition, books read by both male and female were the same in 2013. Firstly, in 2011, men readers in Burnaby Public Library read fewer books than the women readers did. Men readers read around 3000 books compared to 5000 books read by women readers. Moreover, in the following year, the number book enjoyed by male readers increased slightly and reached to nearly 4000. Secondly, the book read by males rose dramatically from 2012 to 2013 and intersected the female readers' book number at around ten thousand. Finally, in 2014, books read by the male readers in this library grew rapidly to nearly 14 thousand but that of women, on the contrary, declined suddenly just around to 7 thousand. In brief, men were less interested in reading books than women in this library at first but men have shown a change of their interest in later years.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use plural nouns Original: both male and female Suggested revision: men and women Why it matters: The sentence refers to two groups of readers, so plural nouns are required.
- 2. Use natural noun phrase Original: men readers in Burnaby Public Library Suggested revision: male readers at Burnaby Public Library Why it matters: Male readers is the natural expression, and at is the appropriate preposition for the library.
- 3. Use natural group label Original: the women readers Suggested revision: female readers Why it matters: Female readers is the standard noun phrase for this group.
- 4. Repair noun phrase Original: the number book enjoyed Suggested revision: the number of books read Why it matters: The phrase requires of and should describe the measured activity as books read.
- 5. Remove wrong preposition Original: reached to nearly Suggested revision: reached nearly Why it matters: Reach takes the value directly without the preposition to.
- 6. Use measured quantity Original: the book read by males Suggested revision: the number of books read by men Why it matters: The graph tracks a number of books, so the singular noun book is inaccurate here.
- 7. Describe equal figures Original: intersected the female readers' book number Suggested revision: matched the figure for women Why it matters: The two values are equal in 2013, so matched states the comparison clearly.
- 8. Correct change phrase Original: declined suddenly just around to 7 thousand Suggested revision: fell sharply to around 7,000 Why it matters: This form combines the direction, degree and endpoint grammatically.
- 9. Use direct time marker Original: Firstly, in 2011, Suggested revision: In 2011, Why it matters: The year already provides clear sequencing, so the mechanical ordinal is unnecessary.
- 10. Use natural group label Original: Men Suggested revision: Male Why it matters: Male readers is the standard expression for this group.
- 11. Make comparison concise Original: compared to 5000 books read by women readers Suggested revision: compared with 5,000 for women Why it matters: The shorter comparative phrase avoids repeating books read and readers.
- 12. Name the year directly Original: Moreover, in the following year Suggested revision: In 2012 Why it matters: The explicit year is clearer than a vague sequence reference.
Suggested Rewrites
- both male and female men and women
- men readers in Burnaby Public Library male readers at Burnaby Public Library
- the women readers female readers
- the number book enjoyed the number of books read
- reached to nearly reached nearly
- the book read by males the number of books read by men
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response accurately captures the central crossover in 2013 and the contrasting final outcomes, with relevant figures for the men's series. Its main limitation is that the women's 2012 rise is omitted and the report is presented as one dense paragraph, while frequent awkward noun phrases reduce fluency. Add the missing intermediate comparison, separate the overview from the detail, and use simpler, grammatically complete comparisons.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
A clear overview and mostly accurate figures cover the main crossover and final divergence, although the women's rise to 8,000 books in 2012 is omitted.
Include the missing 2012 female figure and compare both series across each major stage rather than developing the men's trend more fully.
Coherence and Cohesion
The information follows a clear chronological sequence, but mechanical sequencing words and the absence of paragraph breaks make the report feel dense.
Separate the overview from the detail and group the 2011–2012 and 2013–2014 comparisons into distinct paragraphs.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a sufficient range of trend vocabulary, but awkward collocations and noun phrases such as “the number book enjoyed” and “reached to” recur.
Prefer natural combinations such as “the number of books read,” “rose to,” “stood at,” and “fell to.”
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Simple and complex structures convey the trends clearly overall, though errors in comparison forms, articles, noun phrases, and verb patterns are frequent.
Check every comparative clause and noun phrase for complete structure, especially after “than,” “number of,” and verbs describing change.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graph below shows the number of books read by men and women at Burnaby Public Library from 2011 to 2014.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.