The pie chart below shows the main reasons why agricultural land becomes less productive. The table shows how these causes affected three regions of the world during the 1990s.
Sample Response
The pie chart shows the main reasons why agricultural land becomes less productive, while the table shows how these causes affected three regions of the world during the 1990s. Globally, the primary drivers of land degradationThe main reasons for worldwide land degradation includedconsisted of over-grazing, over-cultivation, deforestation and other factorsand so on. Over-grazingOvergrazing accounted for 35% compared with 30% for deforestation. The percentage of over-cultivation was 28%. Other reasons accounted for 7%. Furthermore, these causes affected three regions of land degradation. A total of 5% of agricultural land was degradedThere were 5% of land degradation in North America. Its figure for land degradation was lower than the other two regions. This figure wasIt was 18 percentage points lower than Europe, and 8 percentage points lower than Oceania. The percentage for Europe reached 23%. The figure for deforestation stood at 9.8%.reached 9.8%. The percentagespercentage for over-cultivation and over-grazing were 7.7% and 5.5%, respectively. Degraded land accounted for 13% of the total in Oceania. It had two reasons for land degradation. They were deforestation and over-grazing. They accounted for 13% of the total.
Why this response received Band 5.0
The essay presents accurate numerical data from both charts, but it lacks a clear overview outlining the main trends. Progression is simple and mechanical, relying on repetitive sentence patterns and basic transitions. To improve, include a dedicated overview paragraph highlighting key patterns and vary sentence structures to group data more logically.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
Key details from both the pie chart and table are reported, but there is no clear overview summarizing the main overall trends.
Add an overview paragraph in the introduction or conclusion that summarizes the primary causes and regional contrasts without detailing specific figures.
Coherence and Cohesion
Data is presented sentence by sentence in a rigid format, resulting in a repetitive structure with limited logical linking.
Group related data into cohesive paragraphs and use a broader variety of linking devices to show comparisons smoothly.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is sufficient to convey essential details, but reliance on repetitive phrases like 'accounted for' and 'figure for' limits lexical range.
Incorporate varied vocabulary for describing proportions, causes, and comparisons to reduce mechanical repetition.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Simple structures predominate throughout the text, and occasional grammatical errors occur in subject-verb agreement and prepositions.
Practice using complex sentence patterns, such as relative clauses and subordinating conjunctions, while ensuring accurate agreement.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The pie chart below shows the main reasons why agricultural land becomes less productive. The table shows how these causes affected three regions of the world during the 1990s.
Your response
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