The diagrams below show the stages and equipment used in the cement-making process, and how cement is used to produce concrete for building purposes.
Sample Response
The two diagrams illustrate the cement-making process. We can see from the given illustration that cement is manufactured first, and then it's used in the concrete production. In the first diagram, we can see that limestone is the raw material with which clay added. Firstly, the two materials are crushed to form the powder. Then this powder passes through a mixer and a heater through which the powder is exposed to flame. The powder now is in the form of a paste. This paste is grinded to be cement to pass through the last process; packing in bags. The second diagram shows that cement can be used to produce concrete. This process is simpler than cement production; concrete is a mixture of 15% cement, 10 % water, 25% sand and 50 % small stones which are named as "Gravel". The four elements are poured in a huge mixer which rotates producing concrete. We can see that once the cement is produced by several steps and equipment, it can be used in other less complicated processes, for instance, concrete production.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove extra article Original: the concrete production Suggested revision: concrete production Why it matters: The general process name does not take 'the' in this phrase.
- 2. Complete passive clause Original: with which clay added Suggested revision: to which clay is added Why it matters: The relative clause needs a preposition and the passive auxiliary 'is'.
- 3. Use concise sequencing Original: Firstly Suggested revision: First Why it matters: 'First' is the more concise sequencing marker in a process description.
- 4. Correct article choice Original: to form the powder Suggested revision: to form a powder Why it matters: This is the first mention of the resulting powder, so the indefinite article is required.
- 5. Name equipment precisely Original: a heater Suggested revision: a rotating heater Why it matters: The diagram specifically labels this stage as a rotating heater.
- 6. Clarify heating stage Original: through which the powder is exposed to flame Suggested revision: where it is heated by a flame Why it matters: This wording expresses the heating relationship clearly and naturally.
- 7. Improve stage transition Original: The powder now is Suggested revision: The material is then Why it matters: 'Then' clearly signals the next stage and the word order is natural.
- 8. Correct material state Original: a paste Suggested revision: a heated mixture Why it matters: The diagram does not show or label the material becoming a paste.
- 9. Use irregular participle Original: grinded Suggested revision: ground Why it matters: The past participle of 'grind' is 'ground'.
- 10. Repair purpose phrase Original: to be cement to pass through Suggested revision: into cement before undergoing Why it matters: This replacement correctly links grinding to the final packaging stage.
- 11. Fix stage punctuation Original: last process; packing in bags Suggested revision: final stage: packing in bags Why it matters: A colon correctly introduces the named final stage.
- 12. Close percentage spacing Original: 10 % water Suggested revision: 10% water Why it matters: There should be no space between the number and the percent sign.
Suggested Rewrites
- the concrete production concrete production
- with which clay added to which clay is added
- Firstly First
- to form the powder to form a powder
- a heater a rotating heater
- through which the powder is exposed to flame where it is heated by a flame
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response successfully follows both production sequences and reports all four concrete proportions accurately, so the processes remain easy to understand. Its main limitation is uneven language control, including the unsupported claim that the cement powder becomes a paste and several awkward or ungrammatical forms. Prioritise technically exact stage descriptions and revise sentence structures so each material, action, and result is expressed precisely.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
Both processes are covered with an appropriate comparative overview, all main equipment and proportions, and one inaccurate reference to the heated powder becoming paste.
Describe the material as powder throughout the cement sequence and make the rotating heater’s role explicit without adding an unsupported change of state.
Coherence and Cohesion
The information follows the process order clearly, but the single-paragraph presentation and repeated ‘we can see’ framing limit structural cohesion.
Separate the overview, cement stages, and concrete production into distinct paragraphs and use stage-based links rather than repeated viewing phrases.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is adequate for describing manufacturing, but several word choices and forms are inaccurate, including ‘grinded’, ‘named as’, and ‘huge mixer’.
Use standard process terms and collocations, such as ‘ground’, ‘known as gravel’, ‘rotating heater’, and ‘concrete mixer’.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex sentences communicates the sequence, although missing auxiliaries, awkward passive forms, and faulty clause connections recur.
Strengthen passive constructions and clause control, for example ‘clay is added to limestone’ and ‘the mixture is then ground to produce cement’.
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