The diagrams below show the stages and equipment used in the cement-making process, and how cement is used to produce concrete for building purposes.
Sample Response
These two diagrams reveal the flow diagrams of both cement and concrete production processes with necessary equipment and materials that are used. Mainly, both processes have similarities and differences. They are similar because each of them has more than one input and a single output. On the other hand, they differ in the number of production steps. In the cement production diagram, firstly, limestone and clay are gathered and passed through a crusher. Then, the powder obtained from crusher is moved to the mixer to make a homogene mixture. Next, rotating heater welcomes the material from the mixer. After heating step, resulting material flows on the grinder. Finally, cement becomes ready to be packed in bags at the end of the grinder. In the concrete production diagram, the process contains only one step to have concrete material that is mixing. Cement, water, sand and gravel which is a general name for small stones are all mixed in a rotating concrete mixer in precise proportions such as 15%, 10%, 25% and 50% respectively.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove repetition Original: reveal the flow diagrams of both cement and concrete production processes Suggested revision: illustrate the cement and concrete production processes Why it matters: The revision avoids repeating diagrams and processes while describing the visuals accurately.
- 2. Make phrasing concise Original: with necessary equipment and materials that are used Suggested revision: and the equipment and materials used Why it matters: The revision removes redundant wording without changing the meaning.
- 3. Use overview marker Original: Mainly Suggested revision: Overall Why it matters: Overall is the appropriate linker for introducing the main features of process diagrams.
- 4. State the key contrast Original: both processes have similarities and differences Suggested revision: cement production involves several stages, whereas concrete is made in one mixing stage Why it matters: A specific overview of the major structural difference is more informative than a generic statement.
- 5. Clarify reference Original: each of them Suggested revision: each process Why it matters: Naming the referent directly makes the comparison clearer.
- 6. Use concise stage label Original: In the cement production diagram Suggested revision: In cement production Why it matters: The process itself, rather than the diagram, is the focus of the description.
- 7. Use natural sequencer Original: firstly Suggested revision: first Why it matters: First is the standard concise sequencer in a process description.
- 8. Describe first stage Original: are gathered Suggested revision: are combined Why it matters: The diagram shows limestone and clay entering the crusher together rather than being gathered.
- 9. Add article Original: powder obtained from crusher Suggested revision: powder produced by the crusher Why it matters: The countable machine requires the definite article, and produced states the result clearly.
- 10. Correct word form Original: homogene Suggested revision: homogeneous Why it matters: Homogeneous is the correct adjective describing an evenly mixed material.
- 11. Use process verb Original: rotating heater welcomes Suggested revision: a rotating heater receives Why it matters: Welcomes personifies the equipment, while receives accurately describes the material flow.
- 12. Add required article Original: After heating step Suggested revision: After the heating stage Why it matters: The specific stage requires the definite article.
Suggested Rewrites
- reveal the flow diagrams of both cement and concrete production processes illustrate the cement and concrete production processes
- with necessary equipment and materials that are used and the equipment and materials used
- Mainly Overall
- both processes have similarities and differences cement production involves several stages, whereas concrete is made in one mixing stage
- each of them each process
- In the cement production diagram In cement production
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response accurately explains the complete cement sequence and the single-stage concrete process, including every material and proportion, and its overview makes a useful comparison between the processes. Its main limitation is recurring awkward or inaccurate phrasing despite clear progression. The highest priority is to retain the strong factual coverage while improving articles, prepositions, and process verbs so each stage is described naturally and precisely.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The overview distinguishes the processes effectively, and all cement stages, equipment, concrete ingredients, and proportions are reported accurately.
Refine the description by stating explicitly that heat is applied as the mixed powder passes through the rotating heater.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses logically from comparison to the cement sequence and then concrete production, with clear chronological linking that is sometimes mechanical.
Group the introduction and overview separately from the two process descriptions and vary sequencing beyond repeated markers such as 'then' and 'next'.
Lexical Resource
Relevant process vocabulary is used with some range, but choices such as 'homogene', 'welcomes the material', and 'flows on the grinder' reduce precision.
Use accurate process collocations such as 'homogeneous mixture', 'passes through the rotating heater', and 'is ground into cement'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Varied sentence forms convey the processes clearly, though missing articles, faulty prepositions, and awkward clause construction recur.
Strengthen article and preposition control in noun phrases such as 'the crusher', 'the heating stage', and 'into the grinder'.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The diagrams below show the stages and equipment used in the cement-making process, and how cement is used to produce concrete for building purposes.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.