The diagrams below show the stages and equipment used in the cement-making process, and how cement is used to produce concrete for building purposes.
Sample Response
The diagrams show the process of cement production and then how this cement is used for concrete production. As is observed from the graph, cement production involves some complex processes and concrete production is done using the water, cement and sand in a concrete mixer. The first diagram depicts that, to produce cement first the limestone and clay are crushed and the produced powder from this is passed through a mixer. The power is then passed via a rotating heater where heat is supplied constantly and this process creates the raw cement materials which are passed on a grinder machine to finally produce the cement. The cement is then packed and marketed for sale. The second diagram presents how the concrete is produced for housing and building work. In the first stage, 15% cement, 10% water, 25% sand and 50% small stones are mixed in a concrete mixer machine and the machine rotates fast to have the ingredients mixed together to create the concrete.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use direct overview marker Original: As is observed from the graph Suggested revision: Overall Why it matters: A direct overview marker is clearer and ‘diagram’ is more accurate than ‘graph’ for a process.
- 2. Describe multiple stages Original: some complex processes Suggested revision: several stages Why it matters: The visual shows a sequence of stages rather than unspecified complex processes.
- 3. Use concise passive Original: concrete production is done Suggested revision: concrete is produced Why it matters: The shorter passive form is more natural and precise.
- 4. Remove unnecessary article Original: the water Suggested revision: water Why it matters: The material name is used generally here and does not take ‘the’.
- 5. Include missing gravel Original: cement and sand Suggested revision: cement, sand and gravel Why it matters: The concrete diagram shows gravel as a fourth ingredient alongside water, cement and sand.
- 6. Use natural reporting verb Original: depicts that, Suggested revision: shows that Why it matters: ‘Shows that’ is the natural construction and does not take a comma before its clause.
- 7. Clarify opening sequence Original: to produce cement first Suggested revision: cement production begins when Why it matters: The replacement gives the process clause a clear grammatical structure.
- 8. Remove material articles Original: the limestone and clay Suggested revision: limestone and clay Why it matters: The two materials are named generically and do not require definite articles.
- 9. Use concise result phrase Original: the produced powder from this Suggested revision: the resulting powder Why it matters: ‘Resulting powder’ is the natural way to refer to the output of crushing.
- 10. Correct powder typo Original: The power Suggested revision: The powder Why it matters: The crusher produces powder, not power.
- 11. Use process preposition Original: passed via Suggested revision: passed through Why it matters: Materials pass through a piece of processing equipment.
- 12. Correct grinder phrase Original: passed on a grinder machine Suggested revision: passed through a grinder Why it matters: The material moves through the grinder rather than being passed on it.
Suggested Rewrites
- As is observed from the graph Overall
- some complex processes several stages
- concrete production is done concrete is produced
- the water water
- cement and sand cement, sand and gravel
- depicts that, shows that
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response follows both processes in the correct order and reports all four concrete proportions accurately, so the central visual information is easy to recover. Its main limitation is imprecise process language and recurring grammatical awkwardness, while the overview omits gravel and the statement that cement is marketed is not shown. Prioritise a complete overview and precise passive descriptions of each stage.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
All cement stages and concrete proportions are reported in sequence, but the overview omits gravel and the claim that bagged cement is marketed is unsupported by the diagram.
State in the overview that cement requires several stages while concrete is made by mixing cement, water, sand, and gravel, and avoid adding a sales stage.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response moves logically from cement manufacture to concrete production, but the single paragraph and long linked clauses make stage boundaries less clear.
Separate the overview, cement process, and concrete process into focused paragraphs and use concise sequencing links for each stage.
Lexical Resource
Relevant process vocabulary is used, but repetition and imprecise expressions such as "power," "raw cement materials," and "grinder machine" limit accuracy.
Use exact process terms from the visual, including "powder," "rotating heater," "grinder," and "gravel."
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Passive structures and complex clauses are attempted, but recurring article, preposition, word-order, and clause-control errors reduce grammatical accuracy.
Build shorter passive sentences for each stage and check articles and prepositions in phrases such as "passed through the mixer" and "ground in a grinder."
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