The diagrams below show the stages and equipment used in the cement-making process, and how cement is used to produce concrete for building purposes.
Sample Response
The diagrams illustrate how cement is produced and also an example of cement utilisation produced to make concrete to use in a form of construction.
To begin with, cement is produced by combining raw materials like limestone, clay, which are processed in a tool called crusher. Those all items are mixed together to create a perfect blend. The blend, furthermore, goes into to a rotating heater. As it is in the rotating heater tube, heat is introduced from the end of the tube before the blend is actually dropped onto grinder. Then, after all the systemic process, the mixture turns into some cement which is then packed into bags.
Meanwhile, to create concrete, the main components of construction systems are gravel, cement, water, sand and a concrete mixer to blend all the materials. Gravel or small stone is the major and biggest component needed and accounts for 50% among all materials. There are, however, some other materials like the sand which is mainly used and comes in the second place and is accounted halved from gravel, followed by cement and water. The cement accounts for 15% compared to among all materials used to construct a new real construction. All the material is mixed together by a concrete mixer.
Overall, the steps of making cement are more complicated and require advanced machinery while concrete production requires mixing required components in the right proportion in a simpler machine. While heat is required to produce cement, no heat penetration during the combination period of making concrete is required.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Join the materials Original: raw materials like limestone, clay Suggested revision: the raw materials limestone and clay Why it matters: The two named materials require and rather than a comma after an imprecise like.
- 2. Describe the crusher Original: processed in a tool called crusher Suggested revision: crushed into powder in a crusher Why it matters: The diagram shows limestone and clay being crushed into powder at the first stage.
- 3. Fix the determiner Original: Those all items Suggested revision: These materials Why it matters: These materials is the grammatical phrase referring to the previously named inputs.
- 4. Name the output Original: perfect blend Suggested revision: uniform powder Why it matters: Uniform powder describes the mixed crushed materials more precisely.
- 5. Show sequence Original: furthermore Suggested revision: then Why it matters: Then marks the next process stage more accurately than an additive linker.
- 6. Remove extra preposition Original: goes into to Suggested revision: goes into Why it matters: Only one preposition is needed after goes.
- 7. Use diagram label Original: rotating heater tube Suggested revision: rotating heater Why it matters: Rotating heater is the equipment label given in the diagram.
- 8. Locate the heat Original: introduced from the end of the tube Suggested revision: applied at one end of the heater Why it matters: The visual shows heat entering at one end of the rotating heater.
- 9. Add the article Original: dropped onto grinder Suggested revision: fed into a grinder Why it matters: The material enters a grinder, so the article and preposition are required.
- 10. Use process wording Original: systemic process Suggested revision: processing stages Why it matters: Systemic means affecting an entire system and does not describe this sequence naturally.
- 11. Remove vague quantity Original: some cement Suggested revision: cement Why it matters: Cement is an uncountable product here and needs no vague quantifier.
- 12. Remove redundancy Original: major and biggest Suggested revision: largest Why it matters: Major and biggest duplicate the same comparative idea.
Suggested Rewrites
- raw materials like limestone, clay the raw materials limestone and clay
- processed in a tool called crusher crushed into powder in a crusher
- Those all items These materials
- perfect blend uniform powder
- furthermore then
- goes into to goes into
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response is strongest in its complete, logically ordered account of the cement stages and its clear distinction between the two production methods. Its main limitation is imprecise language, while the concrete description also omits the water percentage and adds vague claims about advanced machinery. Prioritise exact process vocabulary and report every labelled proportion directly, especially water at 10%, while simplifying awkward grammatical constructions.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The main cement stages, concrete ingredients, and overall contrast are accurately presented, with only the water percentage omitted and a few unsupported qualitative descriptions added.
Report water as 10% and keep the overview strictly tied to visible differences in stages, heating, and mixing.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses logically from cement production to concrete production and ends with a clear overview, with effective paragraphing despite occasional awkward connectors.
Place the overview immediately after the introduction and use simple sequencing language consistently through the process description.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a reasonable range of process vocabulary, but repeated awkward collocations such as systemic process, accounted halved, and real construction reduce precision.
Use exact combinations such as crushed into powder, passed through a rotating heater, ground into cement, and mixed in fixed proportions.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Varied sentence forms are used and meaning remains clear, but errors with articles, prepositions, agreement, and passive constructions occur throughout.
Practise concise passive process sentences and check article and preposition choices around equipment, materials, and percentages.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The diagrams below show the stages and equipment used in the cement-making process, and how cement is used to produce concrete for building purposes.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.