The diagram below shows the floor plan of a public library 20 years ago and how it looks now.
This response is estimated at Band 6.5. Can you write a better one?
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Sample Response
The diagram shows how the central library has been redesigned after 20 years. Overall, the central libraryOverall, central library has undergone noticeablenoticable changes, namely the addition of the cafe, computer room and different kinds of essential amenities.
Prior to the redesign, 20 years agoPrior the the redesign, 2o years ago, the central area was dedicated to tables and chairs. On the right side of the entrance was an enquiry desk for selling tickets, checking book returns etc.and etc. A small room at the top right corner of the space was meant for children's booksbook. Adult non-fiction books were located betweenAdult non-fiction books located between the children's booksbook and the enquiry desk. On the left side of the library, next to the entrance was a reading room for newspapers and magazines. In the central northern section, an areaOn the north side of the room a huge area was dedicated to adult fiction books, as well as a small room for CDs, videos and computer games.
In the redesigned layout, tables and chairs have been removed.were removed. The enquiry desk wasEnquiry desk was transformed into a cafe. Adult non-fiction books have been changed into fiction books along with the information desk and self-service machines. Children's books have been relocated to the left side and the lecture room was placed in its location.On the left side, the games room was expanded,games room was expanded, sofas were added and the room was used for storing children's fiction books and hosting storytelling events. Next to this isNext to this, is a small area for all reference books and a computer room instead of the original reading room.reading one.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The essay effectively highlights the key changes between the two library floor plans and provides a clear overall overview. The main limitation lies in frequent grammatical slips, such as missing articles and verb form errors, alongside minor typos. To improve, focus on refining sentence structures and proofreading carefully for grammatical accuracy.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The main changes and key features of both floor plans are clearly presented with an overview of the transformation.
Ensure all minor details from the map, such as the exact labels for new locations, are described with complete accuracy.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is logically organized into past and present layouts with clear paragraphing.
Enhance internal cohesion by using a wider variety of transition words when contrasting past and present features.
Lexical Resource
A adequate range of vocabulary related to map changes is used, though occasional spelling errors occur.
Work on spelling accuracy for basic terms and incorporate more precise spatial and architectural vocabulary.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex sentences is attempted, but missing articles and occasional grammatical inaccuracies are noticeable throughout.
Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement and the accurate use of definite and indefinite articles before nouns.