The charts below show the percentage of water used for different purposes in six areas of the world
Sample Response
The pie charts illustrated the water usage in the six continents around the world, mainly divided into three categories: Industrial, Agricultural and domestic. Overall North America and Europe have many ways in common, while Africa, Central Asia and South East Asia are more alike. And South America has both similarity and difference with all the continents above.
From the chart, it is clear to see that North America and Europe spent about a half of the water in industrial use, which are 48% and 53% separately. Agricultural use is the second biggest usage, with 39% in North America and 32% in Europe. While domestic use has only got 13% and 15%, ranking lowest among the three categories. Africa, Central Asia and South East Asia are similar to each other. Their agricultural use occupied the biggest part, with 84% in Africa, 88% in Central Asia and 81% in South East Asia. But the percentage of Industrial use and domestic use has some difference, with 7% of industrial use and 9% of domestic use in Africa, 5% and 7% in Central Asia separately, which made domestic use ranked second and industrial use ranked last, while in South East Asia, industrial use ranked second, which is 12%,and domestic use is only 7%
Among those continents, South America is the special one. Though its Agricultural use ranked first, with a percentage of 71%, its domestic use occupied 19%, which is even higher than North America and Europe. And its industrial use was 10%, far more lower than North America and Europe.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. 时态错误 Original: illustrated Suggested revision: illustrate Why it matters: 描述图表内容通常使用一般现在时。
- 2. 地理概念不准确 Original: continents Suggested revision: regions Why it matters: 图表中的Central Asia和South East Asia是地区而非独立大洲。
- 3. 首字母大小写不一致 Original: domestic Suggested revision: domestic Why it matters: 与前两个并列词汇保持一致，此处应小写或统一大写。
- 4. 避免句首使用And Original: and Suggested revision: 删除 Why it matters: 学术写作中应尽量避免在句首直接使用连词And。
- 5. 动词搭配不当 Original: spent Suggested revision: used Why it matters: 表示水资源的消耗，用used或consumed比spent更符合搭配习惯。
- 6. 副词使用不当 Original: separately Suggested revision: respectively Why it matters: 表示“依次地，分别地”应使用respectively。
- 7. 时态与语体不符 Original: While domestic use has only got Suggested revision: Meanwhile, domestic use accounted for only Why it matters: 口语化的has only got不适合学术写作，且时态应与上下文过去时一致。
- 8. 使役动词宾补错误 Original: which made domestic use ranked second and industrial use ranked last Suggested revision: making domestic use rank second and industrial use rank last Why it matters: make sb do sth结构中，rank应使用不带to的动词不定式（原形）。
- 9. 标点符号空格错误 Original: which is 12%,and Suggested revision: which is 12%, and Why it matters: 逗号后面需要加空格。
- 10. 词汇学术性不足 Original: special Suggested revision: exceptional Why it matters: 使用exceptional或distinctive比口语化的special更具学术色彩。
- 11. 首字母大小写错误 Original: Though its Agricultural use Suggested revision: Although its agricultural use Why it matters: 句首用Although更正式，且agricultural无需大写。
- 12. 比较级修饰错误 Original: far more lower than Suggested revision: far lower than Why it matters: lower已经是比较级，不能用more修饰，可用far直接修饰比较级。
Suggested Rewrites
- illustrated illustrate
- continents regions
- domestic domestic
- and 删除
- spent used
- separately respectively
Why this response received Band 6.5
文章成功地对六个地区的用水情况进行了分类和对比，并提供了清晰的总体趋势概述，数据引用准确。然而，部分段落内的长句缺乏清晰的逻辑连接，且存在一些拼写和语法小错误。高优先级的改进方向是优化长句结构，避免因标点和连接词使用不当造成的句子黏连。
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
任务完成度
文章完整地覆盖了图表中的所有六个地区，并进行了合理的归类对比，数据提取准确，且包含一个清晰的概述段。
可以通过更精炼的语言来概括主要特征，例如直接指出工业用水和农业用水在不同经济发展水平地区的主导地位。
连贯与衔接
文章整体结构清晰，按地区特征分段，但部分句子过长，使用了过多的逗号进行黏连，影响了阅读的连贯性。
建议多使用分号或拆分为独立句子，并增加如 'In contrast' 或 'On the other hand' 等逻辑连接词来增强对比关系。
词汇资源
词汇量能够满足描述图表的基本需求，分类词汇使用正确，但词汇的多样性和表达的丰富度仍有提升空间。
应积累更多表示“占比”和“比较”的同义表达，例如用 'account for'、'constitute' 代替反复出现的 'occupied' 和 'is'。
语法多样性与准确性
文章能够使用多种句式，但存在明显的语法错误，如双重比较级 'far more lower' 以及缺乏连接词的句子黏连（Run-on sentences）。
需要特别注意比较级的正确构成（如改为 'far lower'），并在撰写长句时确保主谓结构完整、从句连接词使用正确。