The graphs below give information about computer ownership as a percentage of the population between 2002 and 2010, and by the level of education for the years 2002 and 2010.
Sample Response
The given bar graphs show data on the percentage of computer ownership from the year 2002 to 2010 both by comparison of total population and education level. As is observed from the given graphs, the computer ownership increased over the years and this ownership among the people with higher studies was higher than others. According to the first graph, more than 50% people owned computers in 2002 and this percentage kept on increasing over years. After 6 years this percentage reached to over 60% and finally in 2010 the percentage of people who owned computers reached to over 70%. From the second bar graph, we can observe that the percentage of computer ownership increased with the education level; i.e. the higher the education level the higher the percentage of computer ownership. For instance, 15% of the people who had High school graduation owned computers in 2002 and this percentage were about 60 for Bachelor degree holders and over 80 for the postgraduate degree holders. After 8 years, in 2010, the same trend could be observed and the percentage of people who owned computers increased significantly compared to 2002.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Add percentage preposition Original: more than 50% people Suggested revision: more than 50% of people Why it matters: Of is required between a percentage and the noun it quantifies.
- 2. Use formal trend phrase Original: kept on increasing over years Suggested revision: continued to increase over the period Why it matters: This is a more precise academic description of the sustained rise.
- 3. Name the chart year Original: After 6 years Suggested revision: By 2008, Why it matters: Using the plotted year makes the data reference precise.
- 4. Correct 2008 value Original: reached to over 60% Suggested revision: had reached about 70% Why it matters: The first chart shows approximately 70% ownership in 2008.
- 5. Link final year Original: and finally in 2010 Suggested revision: and by 2010, Why it matters: This creates a concise chronological link to the final data point.
- 6. Report final value Original: owned computers reached to over 70% Suggested revision: owned computers had risen to about 75% Why it matters: The 2010 bar is approximately 75%, and risen to is the correct trend phrase.
- 7. Use direct reporting Original: From the second bar graph, we can observe Suggested revision: The second bar chart shows Why it matters: Direct chart reporting is clearer and more concise.
- 8. Use ownership rate Original: the percentage of computer ownership increased Suggested revision: computer ownership increased Why it matters: Computer ownership is already expressed as a percentage in the chart.
- 9. Remove unnecessary article Original: with the education level Suggested revision: with education level Why it matters: Education level is used generally here and does not require the.
- 10. Punctuate paired comparison Original: the higher the education level the higher Suggested revision: the higher the education level, the higher Why it matters: A comma separates the two parts of this correlative comparison.
- 11. Correct education group Original: High school graduation Suggested revision: no high school diploma Why it matters: The 15% figure in 2002 belongs to people with no high school diploma.
- 12. Fix agreement Original: were Suggested revision: was Why it matters: The singular subject percentage requires was.
Suggested Rewrites
- more than 50% people more than 50% of people
- kept on increasing over years continued to increase over the period
- After 6 years By 2008,
- reached to over 60% had reached about 70%
- and finally in 2010 and by 2010,
- owned computers reached to over 70% owned computers had risen to about 75%
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response's strongest feature is its accurate overview that computer ownership rose over time and was consistently greater at higher education levels. Its main limitation is weak and inaccurate selection from the education chart: the 15% figure is assigned to the wrong group, the bachelor's value is understated, and 2010 categories lack figures. The priority is to compare matched education groups across both years with accurate data.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The response identifies both principal trends, but detailed coverage is uneven and several education-level figures are inaccurate or omitted.
Report accurate 2002 and 2010 values for representative low, middle, and high education groups and compare their increases.
Coherence and Cohesion
The report has a clear introduction, overview, and graph-by-graph progression, although it remains one paragraph and repeats similar wording.
Divide the overview and two sets of details into distinct paragraphs and combine repeated percentage statements into direct comparisons.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is sufficient to describe trends, but repetition and awkward phrases such as "higher studies" and "reached to" limit flexibility and precision.
Vary the language with accurate forms such as "higher education levels," "rose to," "ownership rate," and "respectively."
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Both simple and complex structures are attempted, but errors in agreement, articles, prepositions, and percentage expressions recur throughout.
Revise forms such as "50% of people," "rose to," and "this percentage was," while checking agreement in every data sentence.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graphs below give information about computer ownership as a percentage of the population between 2002 and 2010, and by the level of education for the years 2002 and 2010.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.