The chart below shows the number of doctors practicing in Australia over a 20-year period, including their gender and country of origin.
Sample Response
The table illustrates the number of doctors practicing in Australia, and the bar chart illustrates their gender and country of origin over a 20-year period.
Overall, the number of doctors increasedwas increasing from 1986 to 2006. Furthermore,the ratio of doctors' gender remained stable.while the proportion based on nationality showed slight fluctuationsBy contrast, their nationalities fluctuated during the period.
In 1986, there were only 300,000 doctorsdoctros in Australia. This figure more than doubledIt doubled after a decade, standing at 640,000 doctors in 1996. Moreover, it continued to increase sharply, finally reaching 800,000reaching a peak of 800,000 doctors in 2006, which was approximately three times as many as the number in 1986.
Furthermore, the ratio of doctors' gender was stable. Generally, the different genders remained relatively stable at around 50% each. In 1986 and 2006, the proportion of male doctors was higher than that of female doctorsthe male was higher than the female, whereas female doctors outnumbered males by about 10 percentage points (55% vs 45%) in 1996while the female was nearly 10 percentage points higher than the male in 1996. Regarding country of origin,Besides, the nationality of the doctors experienced a noticeable fluctuationa big fluctuate. The proportion of Australian doctors wasAustralian doctors was 20 percentage points higher than that of doctors from other countriesthan the others in 1986. In contrast, they were the same proportion in 1996. After a decade, the Australian doctors increased to 60% again, thetha same as its percentage in 1986.
Why this response received Band 6.5
文章准确概括了图表的核心数据与变化趋势,段落结构清晰且包含了完整的总结段。主要问题在于过渡词使用略显机械,且存在拼写和主谓一致等语法细节错误。建议加强连接词的自然衔接,并仔细检查名词复数与动词的搭配。
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
任务完成度
成功归纳了总人数增长及性别、国籍比例变动的总体趋势,且数据引用准确无误。
可以进一步对性别与国籍两组数据进行交叉对比分析,使数据描述更加丰富和深入。
连贯与衔接
文章分段合理且逻辑清晰,但过多依赖机械式的连接词,部分标点后漏掉空格。
减少如 Furthermore、Moreover 等连接词的频繁使用,尝试通过句式重组实现自然的段落衔接。
词汇资源
词汇使用较为丰富且基本得体,但出现了个别拼写错误及词性误用。
注意单词拼写如 doctros 和 tha,并纠正 big fluctuate 中将动词误用为名词的错误。
语法多样性与准确性
能够运用多种句式结构表达数据,但存在主谓不一致和冠词使用不当的问题。
注意复数主语与系动词的搭配,例如将 Australian doctors was 修改为复数形式 were。
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The chart below shows the number of doctors practicing in Australia over a 20-year period, including their gender and country of origin.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.