The graph below shows information on employment rates across 6 countries in 1995 and 2005. Employment Rates by Country, 1995-2005
Sample Response
The supplied bar graph compares the employment rates between men and female in 6 different countries for the years 1995 and 2005. As is observed from the given data, the employment rate among men was higher than that of females in all of the given six countries and the overall employment conditions in Iceland, Switzerland was comparatively better than the other four countries. As is given in the diagram, initially in 1995, more than 65% males were employed in Switzerland and in Iceland while in other four countries this rate was less than 60%. After a decade, the male employment percentage reached over 70% except in Australia. On the contrary, in 1995, the female employment rate was over 50% only in Switzerland and for the rest of the countries, this was from 28% to 58%. This quota also improved over the 10 years, and in 2005, female employee rate reached to almost 70% in Switzerland and for the rest of the countries, it was 50%. In summary, the male had a better employment record than the female and in 10 years the employment opportunity for both male and female increased.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use parallel plurals Original: female Suggested revision: women Why it matters: Both compared groups require plural nouns.
- 2. Spell out number Original: 6 Suggested revision: six Why it matters: Small numbers are conventionally written as words in formal prose.
- 3. Fix plural comparison Original: the employment rate among men was higher than that of females Suggested revision: male employment rates were higher than female rates Why it matters: The revision compares plural rates consistently across six countries.
- 4. Use concise scope Original: in all of the given six countries Suggested revision: in all six countries Why it matters: The shorter phrase conveys the full scope without redundancy.
- 5. Name measured rate Original: conditions Suggested revision: rates Why it matters: The graph measures rates, not general employment conditions.
- 6. Join countries correctly Original: in Iceland, Switzerland was Suggested revision: in Iceland and Switzerland were Why it matters: And joins the two countries, and the plural subject requires were.
- 7. Compare numerical rates Original: better Suggested revision: higher Why it matters: Higher is the correct comparative for percentages.
- 8. Use direct reporting Original: As is given in the diagram Suggested revision: The chart shows that Why it matters: Direct reporting is clearer and more concise.
- 9. Remove redundant marker Original: initially in 1995 Suggested revision: in 1995 Why it matters: Initially is unnecessary because the year already marks the first period.
- 10. Correct male values Original: more than 65% males were employed in Switzerland and in Iceland Suggested revision: about 65% of men in Switzerland and 70% in Iceland were employed Why it matters: The 1995 bars are approximately 65% for Switzerland and 70% for Iceland.
- 11. Add definite article Original: in other four countries Suggested revision: in the other four countries Why it matters: The identifies the remaining countries in the specified set.
- 12. Include sixty percent Original: less than 60% Suggested revision: 60% or lower Why it matters: New Zealand's 1995 male rate is about 60%, not below it.
Suggested Rewrites
- female women
- 6 six
- the employment rate among men was higher than that of females male employment rates were higher than female rates
- in all of the given six countries in all six countries
- conditions rates
- in Iceland, Switzerland was in Iceland and Switzerland were
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response's strongest feature is its clear overview that male employment exceeded female employment in every country and that rates generally rose by 2005. Its main limitation is overgeneralised and sometimes inaccurate supporting data, particularly the claim that female rates in all countries except Switzerland were 50% in 2005. The highest priority is to compare individual countries with precise values instead of compressing diverse results into one figure.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The main gender and time trends are correctly identified, but several ranges and grouped claims obscure substantial differences between countries.
Select accurate examples from the highest and lowest countries for each sex and avoid assigning one approximate figure to five different countries.
Coherence and Cohesion
The report follows a clear overview-to-detail sequence and separates male and female comparisons conceptually, although it is written as one paragraph and repeats its summary.
Use distinct overview and detail paragraphs, grouping the 1995-to-2005 comparisons by sex without adding a repetitive final summary.
Lexical Resource
There is sufficient vocabulary for the task, but recurring imprecise collocations such as "employment conditions," "quota," and "female employee rate" weaken clarity.
Use accurate terms such as "employment rate," "proportion of employed women," "rose to," and "percentage points."
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Meaning remains generally clear, but frequent errors in number, articles, agreement, and prepositions reduce grammatical control.
Proofread plural comparisons and data structures, especially "men and women," "the other four countries," and "rose to nearly 70%."
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graph below shows information on employment rates across 6 countries in 1995 and 2005. Employment Rates by Country, 1995-2005
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.