The graph below shows information on employment rates across 6 countries in 1995 and 2005.
Sample Response
The supplied bar graph compares the employment rates between men and womenfemale in six6 different countries for the years 1995 and 2005. As is observed from the given data, male employment rates were higher than female ratesthe employment rate among men was higher than that of females in all six countriesin all of the given six countries and the overall employment ratesconditions in Iceland and Switzerland werein Iceland, Switzerland was comparatively higherbetter than the other four countries. The chart shows thatAs is given in the diagram, in 1995initially in 1995, about 65% of men in Switzerland and 70% in Iceland were employedmore than 65% males were employed in Switzerland and in Iceland while in the other four countriesin other four countries this rate was 60% or lowerless than 60%. After a decade, the male employment ratepercentage exceeded 70%reached over 70% except in Australia. By contrastOn the contrary, in 1995, the female employment rate was over 50% only in Switzerland and for the rest of the countries, this ranged from about 25% to 50%was from 28% to 58%. This ratequota also improved over the 10 years, and in 2005, female employment rate reachedfemale employee rate reached to almost 70% in Switzerland and in the other countries, it ranged from about 38% to 62%for the rest of the countries, it was 50%. In summary, the male had a better employment record than the female and in 10 years the employment opportunity for both male and female increased.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response's strongest feature is its clear overview that male employment exceeded female employment in every country and that rates generally rose by 2005. Its main limitation is overgeneralised and sometimes inaccurate supporting data, particularly the claim that female rates in all countries except Switzerland were 50% in 2005. The highest priority is to compare individual countries with precise values instead of compressing diverse results into one figure.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The main gender and time trends are correctly identified, but several ranges and grouped claims obscure substantial differences between countries.
Select accurate examples from the highest and lowest countries for each sex and avoid assigning one approximate figure to five different countries.
Coherence and Cohesion
The report follows a clear overview-to-detail sequence and separates male and female comparisons conceptually, although it is written as one paragraph and repeats its summary.
Use distinct overview and detail paragraphs, grouping the 1995-to-2005 comparisons by sex without adding a repetitive final summary.
Lexical Resource
There is sufficient vocabulary for the task, but recurring imprecise collocations such as "employment conditions," "quota," and "female employee rate" weaken clarity.
Use accurate terms such as "employment rate," "proportion of employed women," "rose to," and "percentage points."
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Meaning remains generally clear, but frequent errors in number, articles, agreement, and prepositions reduce grammatical control.
Proofread plural comparisons and data structures, especially "men and women," "the other four countries," and "rose to nearly 70%."
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graph below shows information on employment rates across 6 countries in 1995 and 2005.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.