The graph below shows information on employment rates across 6 countries in 1995 and 2005. Employment Rates by Country, 1995-2005
Sample Response
The column graph shows employment rate variations in six countries, namely, Australia, Switzerland, Ireland, UK, New Zealand and the USA between 1995 and 2005. As is observed, employment rates in these countries improved and there have been notable advancements for women in the workforce. It is obvious that women had lower employment rates in most of the countries. For example, in Australia in 1995, 57 percent of men had a job, but only 27 percent of women were employed. In this year, the highest employment rates for women (70%) was in Iceland where more than 80% men were working class. The second biggest trend in the graph is the improvement in employment between 1995 and 2005. In all countries shown, figures for both men and women employment rates improved. The biggest change was in the United Kingdom, from 55 percent of men in 1995 to 73 percent over the ten years period. Furthermore, the increases in employment rates for women were much higher in New Zealand. The percentage of working women jumped from 25 percent to 42 percent, and in the United States from 45 percent to 61 percent over the decade. In these countries, at least a 12 percent increased both for men and women over the ten years.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use standard chart term Original: column graph Suggested revision: bar chart Why it matters: Bar chart is the conventional name for this visual.
- 2. State measure directly Original: employment rate variations Suggested revision: employment rates Why it matters: Employment rates is more direct and avoids an unnecessary abstract noun.
- 3. Correct country name Original: Ireland, UK Suggested revision: Iceland, the UK Why it matters: The chart includes Iceland, not Ireland, and UK normally takes the definite article.
- 4. Use consistent past tense Original: there have been Suggested revision: there were Why it matters: The report describes a completed period ending in 2005, so simple past is appropriate.
- 5. Use measurable trend term Original: advancements Suggested revision: increases Why it matters: Increases accurately describes the numerical changes shown.
- 6. Correct overall comparison Original: most of the countries Suggested revision: all six countries Why it matters: Female employment was lower than male employment in every country and year shown.
- 7. Align with chart estimate Original: 57 percent Suggested revision: about 55% Why it matters: The 1995 male bar for Australia is approximately 55%.
- 8. Format percentage consistently Original: only 27 percent Suggested revision: about 27% Why it matters: About appropriately signals an estimated chart value and keeps notation concise.
- 9. Use logical trend label Original: second biggest trend Suggested revision: another key trend Why it matters: No first ranked trend has been defined, so second biggest is not logically anchored.
- 10. Add possessive forms Original: both men and women employment rates Suggested revision: both men's and women's employment rates Why it matters: The employment rates belong to the two groups, so possessive forms are required.
- 11. Name rate precisely Original: from 55 percent of men Suggested revision: from a 55% male employment rate Why it matters: The chart measures the employment rate rather than a percentage of men as people.
- 12. Hyphenate time adjective Original: ten years period Suggested revision: ten-year period Why it matters: A compound adjective before a noun takes the singular form and a hyphen.
Suggested Rewrites
- column graph bar chart
- employment rate variations employment rates
- Ireland, UK Iceland, the UK
- there have been there were
- advancements increases
- most of the countries all six countries
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response identifies the two central patterns: employment rose over the decade and female rates generally remained below male rates. It also provides several useful figures, but accuracy is uneven, most notably confusing Switzerland with Iceland for the highest female rate and misstating some changes in New Zealand. Prioritise checking country labels, series colours, and exact values before writing comparisons, then divide the report into clear paragraphs.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
A relevant overview and several accurate comparisons address the main trends, but important country and value errors reduce reliability.
Correct the highest female rate to about 68% in Switzerland in 2005 and verify New Zealand's figures and percentage-point changes.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response moves from overall gender differences to changes over time, but the single paragraph and some repetitive trend statements weaken organisation.
Use a separate overview and group details by gender gap and decade-long increases rather than restating the general rise.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is adequate for employment comparisons, though several imprecise or unnatural choices reduce clarity and formality.
Use 'employment rate', 'percentage-point increase', and 'employed men' instead of 'advancements', 'working class', and 'a 12 percent increased'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Meaning is generally clear, but agreement, article use, possessive structures, and sentence formation contain recurring errors.
Revise structures such as 'the highest rate was', 'men's and women's employment rates', and 'both figures increased by at least 12 percentage points'.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graph below shows information on employment rates across 6 countries in 1995 and 2005. Employment Rates by Country, 1995-2005
Your response
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