The graph below shows the demand for electricity in England during typical days in winter and summer. The pie chart shows how electricity is used in an average English home.
Sample Response
The presented graph illustrates the electricity requisition in England during two different seasons, winter and summer. Meanwhile, the pie chart demonstrates how the electricity is utilised daily and to what quantity.
In general, both in winter and summer, the electricity demand rises up from around 9:00 am to about 23:00 pm and the electricity in mainly spent for heating room and water.
Looking at the detail, the electricity demand in summer is reckoned between 10,000 – 20,000 units. It goes to around 12,000 before 9 am and slightly increases to around 20,000 at 14 pm and relatively fluctuates until the rest of the day. However, in winter, the electricity requisition sets about 35,000 units at 00 am and gradually spikes before it actually rises at 9 am and keeps the level swells until around 45,000 units at 23 pm.
Meanwhile, due to utilisation and quantity, heating room and water require the vast majority, 52%, of electricity using. This high proportion is related to the high electricity demand for these two appliances during winter. Whereas other kitchen and electronic devices, vacuum cleaners, food mixers and electronic tools amass lower proportion, 48%, than heating rooms and water.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use precise term Original: requisition Suggested revision: demand Why it matters: Demand is the standard term for the amount of electricity required.
- 2. Describe chart accurately Original: how the electricity is utilised daily and to what quantity Suggested revision: how electricity is used in an average home and in what proportions Why it matters: The pie chart presents purposes and percentage shares rather than a daily quantity.
- 3. Remove redundancy Original: rises up Suggested revision: rises Why it matters: Rise already expresses upward movement, so up is redundant.
- 4. Fix time format Original: 23:00 pm Suggested revision: 23:00 Why it matters: The 24-hour form 23:00 should not be combined with pm.
- 5. Correct passive form Original: electricity in mainly spent Suggested revision: electricity is mainly used Why it matters: The clause needs is and the natural passive collocation used.
- 6. Use plural noun Original: room Suggested revision: rooms Why it matters: Rooms should be plural when referring to this general household use.
- 7. Use natural phrase Original: detail Suggested revision: details Why it matters: The conventional phrase for examining several data points uses details in the plural.
- 8. Describe range clearly Original: is reckoned between Suggested revision: ranges between Why it matters: Ranges between is the natural expression for values within two limits.
- 9. Correct summer low Original: goes to around 12,000 before 9 am Suggested revision: falls to around 14,000 by 9 am Why it matters: The summer line declines from roughly 17,000 to about 14,000 units during the morning.
- 10. Fix time notation Original: 14 pm Suggested revision: 14:00 Why it matters: A 24-hour time should be written without pm.
- 11. Clarify time span Original: relatively fluctuates until the rest of the day Suggested revision: fluctuates over the rest of the day Why it matters: Over the rest of the day is the correct phrase for the remaining period.
- 12. Use clear transition Original: due to utilisation and quantity Suggested revision: regarding household electricity use Why it matters: The original transition does not express a clear relationship to the pie-chart data.
Suggested Rewrites
- requisition demand
- how the electricity is utilised daily and to what quantity how electricity is used in an average home and in what proportions
- rises up rises
- 23:00 pm 23:00
- electricity in mainly spent electricity is mainly used
- room rooms
Why this response received Band 5.0
Clear paragraphing and a recognizable overview make the response easy to follow at a broad level, and it identifies heating rooms and water as the largest use. However, the report omits most pie-chart categories and misstates important line-graph movements and timings, while frequent awkward vocabulary and grammar reduce precision. Prioritize an accurate overview comparing winter with summer, then select a few correctly timed peaks, lows, and household-use figures in clear sentence structures.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The response addresses both visuals and identifies the largest household use, but its overview is partly inaccurate, several key trends and category figures are omitted, and some timings and values are misstated.
State that winter demand remains much higher throughout, then compare the main peaks and lows and include the three smaller household-use categories accurately.
Coherence and Cohesion
The four-paragraph structure separates the introduction, overview, line graph and pie chart, but progression within the detail paragraphs is sometimes unclear and linking is occasionally faulty.
Organize each detail paragraph around clear comparisons and use complete linking structures rather than isolated forms such as 'Whereas'.
Lexical Resource
There is some range in trend vocabulary, but frequent inaccurate choices and collocations such as 'electricity requisition' and 'amass lower proportion' make descriptions unnatural and sometimes obscure.
Use precise, conventional graph language such as 'demand', 'fell', 'peaked' and 'accounted for', checking that each verb matches the movement shown.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts complex structures, but frequent errors in agreement, articles, clause construction and sentence boundaries reduce clarity, especially in the winter and final descriptions.
Build accurate comparison sentences with one main clause each, then check subject-verb agreement, articles and verb forms before adding subordinate clauses.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graph below shows the demand for electricity in England during typical days in winter and summer. The pie chart shows how electricity is used in an average English home.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.