The graph below shows the demand for electricity in England during typical days in winter and summer. The pie chart shows how electricity is used in an average English home.
Sample Response
The illustrations show the electricity demand in England in a typical day in winter and summer and also how people use this electricity. According to the first line graph, we can see that the electricity demand in winter is much higher than the demand in summer in England.
In a typical day, the electricity demand in winter season is around 35,000 units and it is around 18,000 units in the summer season. Again the demand for the electricity varies on several hours of the day and the demand from 6:00 to 9:00 am is lesser than the demand in other hours of the day. During the winter the demand is highest from 21:00 to 23:00 and during summer the demand is highest from 13:00 to 14:00 hours. Based on the pie chart we can infer that the room heating and water heating is the main purpose people consume the electricity in England. The demand for washing machine, kettle and ovens consume around 18% of total electricity consumed and two other categories consume 15% electricity each. These two other categories which consume 30% of total electricity include light, TV, Radio, vacuum cleaner, food mixer and other electric told and devices.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use on Original: in Suggested revision: on Why it matters: Use “on” when referring to what happens during a particular day.
- 2. Specify average home Original: also how people use this electricity Suggested revision: how electricity is used in an average English home Why it matters: The pie chart describes usage in an average English home rather than people generally.
- 3. Name visual precisely Original: the first line graph Suggested revision: the line graph Why it matters: There is one line graph alongside a pie chart.
- 4. Use on Original: In Suggested revision: On Why it matters: The correct preposition for a day is “on.”
- 5. Use concise season Original: winter season Suggested revision: winter Why it matters: “Winter” alone is the natural form in this comparison.
- 6. Use concise season Original: the summer season Suggested revision: summer Why it matters: “Summer” is sufficient and avoids unnecessary repetition.
- 7. Add introductory comma Original: During the winter the demand Suggested revision: During winter, demand Why it matters: An introductory time phrase should be followed by a comma.
- 8. Add introductory comma Original: during summer the demand Suggested revision: during summer, demand Why it matters: A comma clarifies the transition to the summer comparison.
- 9. Report directly Original: Based on the pie chart we can infer that Suggested revision: The pie chart shows that Why it matters: The percentage is explicitly displayed, so no inference is needed.
- 10. Fix category phrasing Original: the room heating and water heating is Suggested revision: heating rooms and water is Why it matters: This wording treats the combined chart category as a single use.
- 11. Fix purpose clause Original: the main purpose people consume the electricity Suggested revision: the main use of electricity Why it matters: The original clause lacks the structure needed after “purpose.”
- 12. Fix subject and plurals Original: The demand for washing machine, kettle and ovens consume Suggested revision: Washing machines, kettles, and ovens consume Why it matters: The appliances, not their demand, are the grammatical subject of “consume.”
Suggested Rewrites
- in on
- also how people use this electricity how electricity is used in an average English home
- the first line graph the line graph
- In On
- winter season winter
- the summer season summer
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response gives a clear central comparison between seasonal demand and covers the principal household-use categories, with sensible organisation from the line graph to the pie chart. However, its overview is incomplete and several figures and time trends are described only approximately, while frequent wording and agreement errors reduce precision. Add a fuller summary of both graphs and support it with exact peak, low-point, and percentage data.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The main seasonal contrast, peak periods, and household-use categories are covered, but the overview does not summarise both visuals fully and several details are approximate.
State the principal pattern in each visual and support it with exact values such as the peak demand and the 52.5% heating share.
Coherence and Cohesion
The report follows a sensible line-graph-to-pie-chart sequence, although the long second paragraph and vague references to two other categories reduce clarity.
Divide the details by visual and name each household-use category directly instead of relying on unclear backward references.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is sufficient for describing demand, variation, and proportions, but repetition and several inaccurate collocations limit flexibility and precision.
Use more exact phrases such as demand fluctuates over the day, accounts for, and household appliances, while checking spelling carefully.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures communicates the information clearly, though article, agreement, and sentence-pattern errors recur.
Focus on subject-verb agreement and complete comparative structures, especially when describing categories, proportions, and purposes.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graph below shows the demand for electricity in England during typical days in winter and summer. The pie chart shows how electricity is used in an average English home.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.