The graph below shows the demand for electricity in England during typical days in winter and summer. The pie chart shows how electricity is used in an average English home.
Sample Response
The given line graph illustrates the demands for electricity during normal days of summer and winter in England, while the pie chart describes how an average household consumes electricity in England. The line graph exhibits that electricity demand in winter is significantly higher than that in summer. Besides, the pie chart shows that more than half of the electricity is consumed for the purpose of heating rooms and water. The given illustration shows that in winter, electricity demand in England rise up to almost 48,000 units and drops to nearly 30,000 units. It is generally observed that the demand increases after the evening time. While in summer, the electricity demand rises up to 20,000 units in the noon time and drops to almost 12,000 in the early morning. The given pie chart demonstrates that more than half of the electricity is utilised for the purpose of heating rooms and water which is 52%. The second major proportion of electricity, 18%, is utilised for using ovens, kettles and washing machines. Lighting, TV and radio utilise 15% electricity while the remaining 15% goes for the vacuum cleaner, food mixers, and electric tools.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use uncountable noun Original: demands Suggested revision: demand Why it matters: 'Demand' is uncountable when referring to overall electricity use.
- 2. Match the timeframe Original: normal days of summer and winter Suggested revision: typical days in summer and winter Why it matters: This wording accurately reflects the graph's description.
- 3. Use reporting verb Original: exhibits Suggested revision: shows Why it matters: The verb 'exhibit' is not naturally followed by a 'that' clause here.
- 4. Match subject and verb Original: demand in England rise up Suggested revision: demand in England rises Why it matters: The singular subject takes 'rises', and 'up' is redundant.
- 5. Correct value and clause Original: heating rooms and water which is 52% Suggested revision: heating rooms and water, which accounts for 52.5% Why it matters: The pie chart gives 52.5%, and the relative clause needs punctuation and an agreeing verb.
- 6. Correct the percentage Original: 18%, is utilised Suggested revision: 17.5%, is utilised Why it matters: The pie chart labels ovens, kettles and washing machines as 17.5%.
- 7. Add partitive preposition Original: utilise 15% electricity Suggested revision: use 15% of the electricity Why it matters: A percentage of a total requires 'of the'.
- 8. Remove redundant adjective Original: The given line graph Suggested revision: The line graph Why it matters: 'Given' adds no useful meaning when the graph has already been introduced.
- 9. Use clear contrast linker Original: while the pie chart describes Suggested revision: whereas the pie chart shows Why it matters: 'Whereas' clearly distinguishes the functions of the two visuals.
- 10. Use concise wording Original: electricity is consumed for the purpose of heating rooms and water Suggested revision: electricity is used to heat rooms and water Why it matters: The shorter verb phrase conveys the same function more directly.
- 11. Name the visual precisely Original: The given illustration Suggested revision: The line graph Why it matters: The explicit label avoids a vague reference to the illustration.
- 12. Add accurate trough detail Original: drops to nearly 30,000 units Suggested revision: falls to about 31,000 units at around 09:00 Why it matters: The graph places the winter low slightly above 30,000 units at about 09:00.
Suggested Rewrites
- demands demand
- normal days of summer and winter typical days in summer and winter
- exhibits shows
- demand in England rise up demand in England rises
- heating rooms and water which is 52% heating rooms and water, which accounts for 52.5%
- 18%, is utilised 17.5%, is utilised
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response provides a clear overview of both visuals and reports the main seasonal ranges and every household-use proportion with good accuracy. Its strongest feature is the balanced coverage of the line graph and pie chart, while the timing of daily fluctuations is described only broadly and sometimes imprecisely. Prioritise more exact references to when winter and summer demand peak and fall.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
Both visuals receive clear overview statements and accurate key figures, although the timing and sequence of demand changes are not described precisely.
Specify the early-morning and late-evening winter peaks and distinguish them from the smaller afternoon and late-evening summer rises.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response moves clearly from overview to line-graph detail and then household uses, but limited paragraphing and repeated references to the given visuals reduce polish.
Separate the overview, daily demand patterns, and household-use breakdown into distinct paragraphs with concise topic sentences.
Lexical Resource
There is sufficient range for describing demand and proportions, but phrases such as 'demands,' 'after the evening time,' and 'utilised for using' are imprecise.
Use natural forms such as 'electricity demand,' 'late in the evening,' 'accounted for,' and 'was used by.'
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Most comparisons are clear and varied structures are attempted, though subject-verb agreement, fragments, and punctuation errors recur.
Correct agreement in phrases such as 'demand rises and drops' and attach the fragment beginning 'While in summer' to a complete clause.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graph below shows the demand for electricity in England during typical days in winter and summer. The pie chart shows how electricity is used in an average English home.
Your response
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