The graph below shows the demand for electricity in England during typical days in winter and summer. The pie chart shows how electricity is used in an average English home.
Sample Response
The line graph compares the electricity demand in England during a regular day in winter and in summer while the pie chart shows the usages of the electricity. Generally speaking, during the winter season, the demand for electricity was much higher than that of the summer in England. During a typical day during winter, the average electricity requirement was around 35 thousand units while this demand was about 16 thousand units during a summer day. Again the electricity requirement fluctuates during the different hours of a typical day and this demand seems lowest in early morning and highest at late night. Based on the pie chart data it can be clearly seen that room and water heating require more than half of the total electricity usages. Washing machines, kettle and ovens consume around 18% electricity while lighting houses, watching TV and listening to radio require 15% of the total electricity. Finally, the same percentage, 15% of electricity, is consumed by English people for running vacuum cleaners, food mixers and electric devices.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Natural noun phrase Original: the electricity demand Suggested revision: demand for electricity Why it matters: The standard collocation is “demand for electricity.”
- 2. Use uncountable noun Original: the usages of the electricity Suggested revision: how electricity is used Why it matters: “Usage” is unnatural here, and the chart describes purposes rather than multiple usages.
- 3. Faulty comparison Original: that of the summer Suggested revision: demand in summer Why it matters: The comparison must be between winter demand and summer demand.
- 4. Use present tense Original: was Suggested revision: is Why it matters: Present tense is more consistent for an undated graph description.
- 5. Improve transition Original: Again the electricity Suggested revision: Across both seasons, electricity Why it matters: “Again” does not express the relationship between the overview and the daily patterns.
- 6. Concise time phrase Original: during the different hours Suggested revision: throughout the day Why it matters: This is the natural expression for variation across the 24-hour period.
- 7. Add comma Original: pie chart data it Suggested revision: pie chart data, it Why it matters: A comma is needed after the introductory phrase.
- 8. Match chart category Original: room and water heating require Suggested revision: room and water heating accounts for Why it matters: The combined category is treated as one share of household electricity use.
- 9. Use natural term Original: total electricity usages Suggested revision: total household electricity use Why it matters: “Electricity use” is uncountable and “household” clarifies the chart's scope.
- 10. Use plural noun Original: kettle Suggested revision: kettles Why it matters: The appliance category requires the plural “kettles.”
- 11. Report exact share Original: around 18% electricity Suggested revision: 17.5% of household electricity Why it matters: The pie chart gives this category as 17.5%, not a whole 18%.
- 12. Use chart labels Original: lighting houses, watching TV and listening to radio Suggested revision: lighting, television and radio Why it matters: These concise category labels match the uses shown in the chart.
Suggested Rewrites
- the electricity demand demand for electricity
- the usages of the electricity how electricity is used
- that of the summer demand in summer
- was is
- Again the electricity Across both seasons, electricity
- during the different hours throughout the day
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response gives a clear overall comparison and reports the household-use proportions with good accuracy. Its main weakness is that the line graph is described too generally: the major winter peak, the summer peak and the contrasting daily patterns receive little precise support. Prioritise selecting two or three exact time-and-value comparisons from the line graph, then separate the overview from the detail paragraphs and tighten awkward usage-related phrasing.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
A clear overview and accurate pie-chart proportions are provided, but the line graph's main fluctuations are supported with very little precise data.
Add exact times and approximate values for the principal winter and summer peaks and troughs, comparing the two series directly.
Coherence and Cohesion
The information progresses logically from the overview to the line graph and pie chart, although the whole report is presented as one dense paragraph.
Use separate overview and detail paragraphs and replace mechanical transitions such as "Again" with clearer comparison links.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is sufficiently varied for the task, but expressions such as "usages of the electricity" and "lighting houses" are imprecise or unnatural.
Use standard data-reporting collocations such as "electricity consumption," "accounted for" and "lighting, television and radio."
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex sentences communicates the comparisons clearly, despite recurring article, tense and noun-form errors.
Maintain consistent present tense for chart description and proofread articles, countable nouns and subject-verb agreement.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graph below shows the demand for electricity in England during typical days in winter and summer. The pie chart shows how electricity is used in an average English home.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.