The graph shows a comparison in the pulse rate changes between two different individuals of different ages and professions. Write a report for a university tutor describing the information shown in the diagrams below. Exercise and pulse rate
Same question Compare 2 different answers
Sample Response
The line graph compares the pulse rate changes of two individuals, Mabel and Albert. In particular, physical exercise escalates the heart beats of two individuals of different ages and professions differently. In this case, young athlete's pulse rate is less intense than that of a mid-thirties office employee. According to the line graph, 36 years old office worker, Mabel's initial pulse rate was between 62-65 which was precisely 80 in the case of Albert, a 26 years old former college athlete. After one minute's exercise, both of their heart beats escalated to roughly 80 per minute. In two minutes, Mabel's pulse rate increased steeply and reached 150 while Albert's heart beat rate at that time was 120. In the next minute, Mabel's pulse rate dipped sharply to 100 per minute while Albert's pulse rate slightly fell and reached to 110. In the final minute, both of their pulse rates plummeted and it was 80 for Mable and 60 for Albert.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use precise term Original: escalates the heart beats Suggested revision: raises the heart rates Why it matters: Heart rate is the standard term for the number of beats per minute.
- 2. Fix compound adjective Original: 36 years old Suggested revision: 36-year-old Why it matters: A compound age used before a noun is singular and hyphenated.
- 3. Report exact estimate Original: between 62-65 Suggested revision: about 65 Why it matters: The graph shows Mabel starting at approximately 65 beats per minute, not a displayed range.
- 4. Fix age expression Original: a 26 years old Suggested revision: a 26-year-old Why it matters: An age functioning as an adjective before a noun must be singular and hyphenated.
- 5. Clarify time point Original: In Suggested revision: After Why it matters: After correctly identifies the reading taken at the two-minute point.
- 6. Use standard term Original: heart beat rate Suggested revision: heart rate Why it matters: Heart rate is the natural and concise term in this context.
- 7. Remove extra preposition Original: reached to 110 Suggested revision: reached 110 Why it matters: Reach takes a direct object and does not require to.
- 8. Correct the name Original: Mable Suggested revision: Mabel Why it matters: The person's name is spelled Mabel in the graph and earlier in the response.
- 9. Remove awkward repetition Original: of different ages and professions differently Suggested revision: who differ in age and profession Why it matters: A relative clause avoids repeating different and makes the comparison grammatical.
- 10. Add the article Original: young athlete's Suggested revision: the young athlete's Why it matters: The definite article is needed because the response refers to the specific athlete shown.
- 11. Use graph label Original: a mid-thirties office employee Suggested revision: a 36-year-old office worker Why it matters: The graph identifies Mabel specifically as a 36-year-old office worker.
- 12. Remove misplaced comma Original: office worker, Mabel's Suggested revision: office worker Mabel's Why it matters: No comma should separate the identifying noun phrase from the possessive name.
Suggested Rewrites
- escalates the heart beats raises the heart rates
- 36 years old 36-year-old
- between 62-65 about 65
- a 26 years old a 26-year-old
- In After
- heart beat rate heart rate
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response accurately reports nearly all plotted values and follows the time sequence clearly, with useful comparative language. Its main limitation is an overgeneralised overview claiming the younger athlete's rate is less intense, although Albert is higher at several points; replace this with a precise summary of Mabel's sharper peak and Albert's steadier overall pattern.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
Almost all data points are reported accurately, but the overview inaccurately implies that Albert's pulse rate is generally lower than Mabel's.
Summarise the contrasting patterns accurately by highlighting Mabel's much sharper peak and Albert's steadier rise and fall.
Coherence and Cohesion
The report progresses logically through the five time points, although presenting everything in one paragraph weakens the organisation.
Separate the overview from the chronological details and group related comparisons into clear paragraphs.
Lexical Resource
A useful range of trend vocabulary is used, but several choices, including "less intense" and "escalates the heart beats," are imprecise or unnatural.
Use precise graph collocations such as "pulse rate rose," "peaked at," and "declined to" throughout.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied sentence structures, but recurring errors in age modifiers, articles, possessives, and verb complementation reduce control.
Correct forms such as "a 36-year-old office worker," "a young athlete's pulse rate," and "reached 110".
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graph shows a comparison in the pulse rate changes between two different individuals of different ages and professions. Write a report for a university tutor describing the information shown in the diagrams below. Exercise and pulse rate
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