In June 1996, an experimental flu vaccine was trialled in a large country town on females only. The result of this survey is presented in the following illustration.
Sample Response
The illustration outlines the outcome of a flu vaccine trial among females in a big town in June 1996. Overall, the experimental flu vaccine was not effective in terms of its result on females. The diagrams reveal that flue rate was generally higher among women than that of men in 1996. From April 1996 to June 1996, the infected people’s number increased swiftly and more female became vulnerable to the flu than that of men. At the beginning of June, the number of male patients was somewhat 2500 compared to 3500 females at which point the injection was tested among women. Though it might seem that the flu contamination among female decreased afterwards, the overall flu rate among males gives a different scenario. During August until the end of the year, around 2500 females were recorded to have flue while this number was a thousand fewer for males. Interestingly, only 1 female died from flu during March to May 1996, but after the vaccination, the death case rose – 4 female and 2 male death cases were recorded between June and August. Finally, almost a quarter of female child and 35% elder females were at risk despite the immunization. 13% needed medical attention while just over a quarter who did not receive the injection were also at risk.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use task wording Original: big Suggested revision: large Why it matters: This wording more precisely matches the location described in the task.
- 2. Remove awkward phrasing Original: in terms of its result on females Suggested revision: for the female participants Why it matters: The original phrase is wordy and uses an unnatural collocation.
- 3. Correct spelling Original: flue Suggested revision: flu Why it matters: The illness is spelled "flu", whereas "flue" refers to a chimney duct.
- 4. Fix comparison Original: among women than that of men Suggested revision: among women than among men Why it matters: A valid comparison needs parallel prepositional phrases for the two groups.
- 5. Use natural noun phrase Original: infected people’s number Suggested revision: number of infected people Why it matters: English normally expresses this quantity with an "of" phrase.
- 6. Use trend language Original: increased swiftly Suggested revision: rose sharply Why it matters: This is the conventional and more precise expression for a steep graph increase.
- 7. Correct plural comparison Original: more female became vulnerable to the flu than that of men Suggested revision: more females contracted flu than males Why it matters: The original has a singular count noun and a non-parallel comparison.
- 8. Name the measure Original: number of male patients Suggested revision: number of male flu cases Why it matters: The graph records flu cases rather than a general patient population.
- 9. Correct June value Original: somewhat 2500 Suggested revision: approximately 2,700 Why it matters: The male series is about 2,700 in June, and "somewhat" cannot introduce an approximate figure.
- 10. Clarify counted cases Original: 3500 females Suggested revision: 3,500 female cases Why it matters: The figure counts cases, so naming the measure makes the comparison precise.
- 11. Clarify time link Original: at which point Suggested revision: when Why it matters: A direct time linker makes clear that the trial occurred in June.
- 12. Fix time phrase Original: during Suggested revision: from Why it matters: A period with two endpoints requires "from ... to ...".
Suggested Rewrites
- big large
- in terms of its result on females for the female participants
- flue flu
- among women than that of men among women than among men
- infected people’s number number of infected people
- increased swiftly rose sharply
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response covers all three visuals and correctly identifies the higher female flu rate, the death totals, and the main risk percentages. Its main limitation is an incomplete and occasionally inaccurate synthesis of the trends: the male series also fell after June, while the August-to-December figures are overgeneralised. Prioritise a fuller overview and precise comparisons of both peaks and subsequent declines before adding interpretation about vaccine effectiveness.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The response addresses all three visuals and reports several key figures accurately, but its overview is narrow and some trend comparisons are imprecise or misleading.
Summarise the June peaks and subsequent declines for both sexes, then compare the death and risk charts without unsupported conclusions about effectiveness.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information moves through the line, bar, and pie charts in a generally logical order, although the single dense paragraph and vague linking weaken progression.
Separate the overview and detail groups, and replace vague references such as "different scenario" with explicit comparisons.
Lexical Resource
There is enough topic vocabulary to describe trends and risk, but repeated spelling, word-form, and collocation errors reduce precision.
Use accurate forms and collocations such as "flu", "number of cases", "female patients", and "deaths".
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures conveys the main meaning, but agreement, article, plural, and comparative errors recur throughout.
Proofread noun phrases and comparisons, especially "more females than males" and "four female deaths", while keeping complex sentences clearly controlled.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
In June 1996, an experimental flu vaccine was trialled in a large country town on females only. The result of this survey is presented in the following illustration.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.