In June 1996, an experimental flu vaccine was trialled in a large country town on females only. The result of this survey is presented in the following illustration.
Sample Response
The diagrams present results of a survey conducted in a large country townbig municipality on a flu-vaccine trial involving womenthe flu vaccine to women in June 1996. Generally speaking, more females than males were affected by the flumore females were affected by the flu than men did and the death rateand death rate among women from the flu was also higher. As the data suggests, from February to June, the number of flu casesinfection steadily increased. More females were affected by fluflue than men did and in Junein the middle of the year, this infection spread among 3,500 femalesmore than 3500 female and about 2,700 malesmore than 2500 men at which point the vaccine was trialledat which point the injection experimented. The infection rate in the rest of the year remained constant - 2500 females and 1500 males. The bar graph shows the number of deathsdeath cases from the flu and it is obvious that the female death tollfemale death case was higher than the male death tollthe male mortality event. From June to August, 2 men died from the flu infection whereas 4 women died from fluwhere 4 women departed from the same flu. Finally, the pie chart presents data on the female groups most at risk after vaccinationaftermath of the vaccination. It can be observed that older women and children were at more risk than other age groups of females.
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response's strongest feature is its clear movement through the three visuals and its identification of the main gender contrast. However, coverage is incomplete and sometimes inaccurate: the post-June decline is described as constant, an earlier death is omitted, and the pie chart is mischaracterised without figures. The highest priority is to select the true peaks, changes, and proportions and compare them precisely with accurate data.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The response presents a broad overview and some correct figures, but it omits major features and inaccurately describes the later flu trend and vaccination-risk chart.
Report the June peaks and subsequent declines, both death periods, and all key pie-chart proportions without adding unsupported interpretations.
Coherence and Cohesion
The information follows a generally logical visual-by-visual sequence, although it is presented as one undivided paragraph and some links are mechanical.
Separate the overview from grouped detail paragraphs and use comparisons to connect related figures rather than repeatedly introducing each chart.
Lexical Resource
There is enough vocabulary to describe trends and mortality, but frequent spelling and collocation problems reduce precision, such as "flue," "injection experimented," and "women departed."
Use accurate chart language and natural collocations such as "flu cases peaked," "the vaccine was trialled," and "women died."
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of sentence forms is attempted, but frequent errors in comparison structures, agreement, articles, and clause construction weaken accuracy.
Practise comparative patterns and complete passive clauses, then proofread each sentence for subject-verb agreement and plural forms.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
In June 1996, an experimental flu vaccine was trialled in a large country town on females only. The result of this survey is presented in the following illustration.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.