The chart below shows the percentage of female employees in three job sectors in Greece from 1990 to 2015. Percentage of female employees 1990-2015
Sample Response
The illustration outlines the percentages of female employees in the call centre, finance, and customer service jobs in Greece between 1990 and 2015. Overall, women participation in these sectors remarkably improved and almost half of the customer service and call centre jobs were held by female employees in 2015 compared to a meagre 2 to 10 per cent in 1990. As is observed, call centres in Greece in 1990 had only 2 to 3 per cent of female workers whereas around 8 per cent of employees in the banking and finance industries were women. The highest ratio of female executives was employed in customer service this year but it was still just over 10% of total employees. Up until the year 2000, the ratio of female workers in call centre jobs slowly increased but their ratio in two other sectors remained almost the same. However, in 2005, call centres hired nearly one-quarter female employees while more than 20% of customer service executives in this year were female. After a decade, women employment in Greece in these sectors notably advanced and more than half of the customer care jobs were filled by females while call centres hired around 45 per cent female employees. Finally, the banking and finance sector employed around 35% females, which was more than four times higher than that of 1990.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Name sectors precisely Original: call centre, finance, and customer service jobs Suggested revision: call centre, banking and finance, and customer service sectors Why it matters: The chart compares employment sectors, and its middle category is banking and finance.
- 2. Use possessive form Original: women Suggested revision: women’s Why it matters: The possessive form is required before the noun ‘participation’.
- 3. Use neutral trend verb Original: remarkably improved Suggested revision: increased markedly Why it matters: Percentages increase rather than ‘improve’, which implies a value judgement.
- 4. Correct 1990 range Original: a meagre 2 to 10 per cent Suggested revision: around 4 to 12 per cent Why it matters: The 1990 values range from about 4% in call centres to 12% in customer service.
- 5. Use concise reference Original: As is observed Suggested revision: As shown Why it matters: The shorter phrase links the detail to the chart more directly.
- 6. Correct call-centre figure Original: only 2 to 3 per cent Suggested revision: about 4 per cent Why it matters: The call-centre bar for 1990 is approximately 4%, not 2–3%.
- 7. Use chart category Original: industries Suggested revision: sector Why it matters: This matches the singular sector label used in the chart.
- 8. Identify the measure Original: ratio of female executives Suggested revision: proportion of female employees Why it matters: The chart measures all female employees, not specifically executives.
- 9. Fix subject logic Original: employed Suggested revision: recorded Why it matters: A proportion can be recorded in a sector but cannot itself be employed.
- 10. Clarify plural reference Original: their ratio in two other sectors Suggested revision: the proportions in the other two sectors Why it matters: The original possessive pronoun does not refer clearly to an appropriate plural noun.
- 11. Repair proportion phrase Original: one-quarter female employees Suggested revision: a workforce that was nearly one-quarter female Why it matters: The revised structure correctly expresses the proportion within the workforce.
- 12. Use accurate group Original: customer service executives in this year Suggested revision: customer service employees that year Why it matters: The chart covers employees generally, and ‘that year’ is the natural time reference.
Suggested Rewrites
- call centre, finance, and customer service jobs call centre, banking and finance, and customer service sectors
- women women’s
- remarkably improved increased markedly
- a meagre 2 to 10 per cent around 4 to 12 per cent
- As is observed As shown
- only 2 to 3 per cent about 4 per cent
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response gives a clear overall upward trend and selects relevant comparisons across the three sectors, with most figures closely matching the chart. Its main weakness is minor data imprecision, particularly the 1990 range and the claim that customer service exceeded half in 2015, alongside recurring awkward employment collocations. Prioritise reporting exact endpoints and using more natural forms such as ‘women’s employment’ and ‘female employees’.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
A clear overview and well-selected chronological comparisons cover all three sectors, though a few endpoint descriptions are slightly inaccurate.
Report the 1990 call-centre figure as about 4% and customer service in 2015 as exactly 50%, not more than half.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically from the overview through the main years, but presenting the entire response as one paragraph limits effective grouping.
Use a separate overview and divide details into early and later periods so comparisons are easier to scan.
Lexical Resource
The response shows good range in describing growth and comparison, but several employment-related collocations are awkward or imprecise.
Use natural combinations such as ‘women’s participation’, ‘female employees accounted for’, and ‘the proportion of women employed’.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex comparisons are generally clear and a range of structures is attempted, although article, possessive, and quantifier errors recur.
Refine forms such as ‘women’s employment’, ‘one quarter of employees’, and ‘employed women’, while checking articles and possessives.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The chart below shows the percentage of female employees in three job sectors in Greece from 1990 to 2015. Percentage of female employees 1990-2015
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.