The graph below shows the fertility rate of women in different Gulf Countries from 1990 to 2000. Write a report describing the information in the graph below. Fertility Rate (births per woman) in Gulf Countries, 1990-2000
Sample Response
The provided bar graph compares the fertility rates of women in 6 different Gulf countries between 1990 and 2000. The fertility rate of those women was compared in two different years with a gap of 10 years - 1990 and 2000. As is evident in the bar graph, the fertility rates declined over the decade in all the countries and women in Oman and Saudi Arabia had higher fertility rates than the women in other four countries. In 1990, the fertility rate for each woman in Bahrain, Kuwait, Qatar and UAE was on an average between 3 to 4. However, this figures reduced to 2-3 by the year 2000. On the other hand, Omani and Saudi Arabian women had the highest fertility rates during both of the years. Oman had the largest number of childbirths per thousand woman, which was 7 in 1990 and just above 5 in 2000. Meanwhile, Saudi Arabia remained in the second position with relatively a higher fertility rate. It is quite obvious to notice that the fertility rate of women in all these Gulf countries reduced in 2000 than it was 10 years earlier. To summarise, even though there was a decrease in the women fertility rates, Oman and Saudi Arabian women continued to show a fairly higher fertility rate among the women in these 6 Gulf countries.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Streamline time reference Original: with a gap of 10 years - 1990 and 2000 Suggested revision: in 1990 and 2000, ten years apart Why it matters: This wording presents the two comparison years more directly and avoids the awkward dash construction.
- 2. Add definite article Original: the women in other four countries Suggested revision: women in the other four countries Why it matters: “The other four countries” requires the definite article in this comparison.
- 3. Correct fixed phrase Original: on an average Suggested revision: on average Why it matters: The standard adverbial expression is “on average” without an article.
- 4. Correct range pairing Original: to Suggested revision: and Why it matters: “Between” must be paired with “and,” not “to.”
- 5. Use concise determiner Original: both of the years Suggested revision: both years Why it matters: The shorter form is the natural way to refer to the two specified years.
- 6. Correct the unit Original: per thousand woman Suggested revision: per woman Why it matters: The chart measures births per woman, not births per thousand women.
- 7. Fix modifier order Original: with relatively a higher Suggested revision: with a relatively high Why it matters: The article must precede the adverb and adjective in this noun phrase.
- 8. Use possessive noun Original: the women fertility rates Suggested revision: women's fertility rates Why it matters: The possessive form is required to show that the rates relate to women.
- 9. Remove unnecessary modifier Original: 6 different Gulf countries Suggested revision: six Gulf countries Why it matters: The countries are already distinct categories, so “different” is redundant.
- 10. Use concise present tense Original: The fertility rate of those women was compared Suggested revision: Their fertility rates are compared Why it matters: The present tense and plural noun phrase are more natural when describing what the graph shows.
- 11. Correct the trend scope Original: all the countries Suggested revision: five of the six countries Why it matters: Kuwait remains at roughly the same rate, so the decline does not apply to every country.
- 12. Correct group reference Original: each woman in Bahrain, Kuwait, Qatar and UAE Suggested revision: women in Bahrain, Kuwait, Qatar and the UAE Why it matters: The chart reports country-level averages rather than a rate for each individual woman, and “UAE” requires “the.”
Suggested Rewrites
- with a gap of 10 years - 1990 and 2000 in 1990 and 2000, ten years apart
- the women in other four countries women in the other four countries
- on an average on average
- to and
- both of the years both years
- per thousand woman per woman
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response clearly identifies the universal decline and the consistently higher rates in Oman and Saudi Arabia, giving it a relevant overall picture. Its supporting detail is limited and partly inaccurate, especially the claim that all four lower-rate countries fell to 2–3 and the use of births per thousand women instead of births per woman; repetition and language errors also reduce polish. Prioritise accurate units and a fuller set of comparative figures across both years.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The main downward trend and the two highest countries are identified, but supporting comparisons are limited and include an inaccurate range and an incorrect unit.
Report births per woman accurately and add precise comparative values for Saudi Arabia and the four lower-rate countries in both years.
Coherence and Cohesion
The information follows a generally logical overview-to-detail sequence, but the one-paragraph format and repeated summary of the decline weaken progression.
Separate the overview from the detail and organise the body into high-rate and lower-rate country groups without restating the same conclusion.
Lexical Resource
The response uses an adequate range of trend and comparison vocabulary, though imprecise choices and awkward collocations recur.
Use precise expressions such as births per woman, fell from, and had a higher fertility rate, while avoiding redundant phrases.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Both simple and complex sentences are attempted and meaning remains clear, but agreement, determiner, comparison, and possessive errors are noticeable throughout.
Edit systematically for plural agreement, articles, possessive forms, and comparative patterns such as lower than it was.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graph below shows the fertility rate of women in different Gulf Countries from 1990 to 2000. Write a report describing the information in the graph below. Fertility Rate (births per woman) in Gulf Countries, 1990-2000
Your response
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