The graph below shows the fertility rate of women in different Gulf Countries from 1990 to 2000. Write a report describing the information in the graph below. Fertility Rate (births per woman) in Gulf Countries, 1990-2000
Sample Response
The bar chart compares the number of births per thousand women in six different Arabian countries between 1990 and 2000, with a gap of 10 years. Overall, there was a noticeable drop in the fertility rate of women in all these six nations over the period, and the remarkable drop was recorded in Oman. However, the birth rate was comparatively higher in Oman compared to other nations in the survey throughout the period. It is clear that though the fertility rate per women in Oman decreased from 7 to just above 5 in 1990, Oman remained to record the highest fertility rate among other nations followed by Saudi Arabia over a period of 10 years. The figures for childbirth per thousand women in Saudi Arabia was above 6 in 1990, which dropped to well over to 5 in 2000. Noticeably when Qatar and UAE registered almost an equal 4 births per thousand women in the initial year of the survey, Bahrain and Kuwait showed a fertility rate between 3 to 4. By contrast, after 10 years, both the nations experienced a similar falling trend in the fertility rates of their women to roughly an equal 3 and just above 2 respectively.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Correct the unit Original: number of births per thousand women Suggested revision: number of births per woman Why it matters: The vertical axis measures the average number of births per woman, not per thousand women.
- 2. Use the task wording Original: Arabian Suggested revision: Gulf Why it matters: This matches the geographical description used in the task.
- 3. Use a precise superlative Original: remarkable Suggested revision: largest Why it matters: The chart supports a direct comparison: Oman experienced the greatest numerical decline.
- 4. Use the correct measure Original: figures for childbirth per thousand women Suggested revision: fertility rate Why it matters: The chart reports births per woman, so this phrase states the unit incorrectly.
- 5. Report the value precisely Original: was above 6 Suggested revision: was about 6.7 Why it matters: Saudi Arabia's 1990 bar is close to 6.7, so a more precise approximation improves the report.
- 6. Correct the value phrase Original: well over to 5 Suggested revision: about 5.5 Why it matters: The 2000 figure is approximately 5.5 births per woman, and 'well over to' is ungrammatical.
- 7. Repair the linker Original: Noticeably when Suggested revision: Notably, while Why it matters: Use a comma after the sentence adverb and 'while' to introduce the contrast.
- 8. Use the correct pair Original: to Suggested revision: and Why it matters: 'Between' is paired with 'and', not 'to'.
- 9. Remove repetition Original: between 1990 and 2000, with a gap of 10 years Suggested revision: in 1990 and 2000 Why it matters: The two years already show the ten-year interval, so the extra phrase is redundant.
- 10. Use concise terminology Original: fertility rate of women Suggested revision: fertility rate Why it matters: The measure already refers to births per woman, making 'of women' unnecessary.
- 11. Correct the determiner Original: all these six nations Suggested revision: all six nations Why it matters: Do not combine 'all' and 'these' before a number in this structure.
- 12. State the ranking directly Original: birth rate was comparatively higher Suggested revision: fertility rate was the highest Why it matters: Use the chart's measure and a superlative when comparing Oman with all five other countries.
Suggested Rewrites
- number of births per thousand women number of births per woman
- Arabian Gulf
- remarkable largest
- figures for childbirth per thousand women fertility rate
- was above 6 was about 6.7
- well over to 5 about 5.5
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response recognises the universal decline and identifies Oman as showing the largest fall, while giving several broadly correct comparisons. However, it repeatedly reports births per thousand women instead of births per woman, misstates Oman's end-year position and timing, and gives an inaccurate final Bahrain–Kuwait comparison; the highest priority is to check units, years, and equal values directly against the chart before writing.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The report identifies the overall decline and several country rankings, but the repeated unit error and inaccurate year and end-value comparisons substantially reduce data precision.
Use births per woman throughout, state that Oman and Saudi Arabia were equal in 2000, and report Bahrain and Kuwait as finishing at roughly the same level.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas follow a generally understandable path from the overview to higher- and lower-fertility countries, but the single paragraph and unclear reference to "both the nations" weaken progression.
Separate the overview from details and group Oman and Saudi Arabia apart from the four lower-rate countries with explicit country references.
Lexical Resource
The response shows some range for describing change and comparison, but inaccurate measurement terms and awkward collocations recur.
Use precise expressions such as "births per woman," "fell from," "remained the highest," and "recorded similar rates."
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of complex structures is attempted, but frequent agreement, plural, article, preposition, and comparison errors reduce clarity.
Check subject–verb agreement and use standard forms such as "per woman," "between 3 and 4," and "fell to just over 5."
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graph below shows the fertility rate of women in different Gulf Countries from 1990 to 2000. Write a report describing the information in the graph below. Fertility Rate (births per woman) in Gulf Countries, 1990-2000
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.