The diagram below gives the information about the Hawaiian island chain in the centre of the Pacific Ocean.
Sample Response
The map portrays the Hawaiian island chain, which is located in the heart of the Pacific Ocean and roughly 2,700 kilometres in length. As is presented, it is formed of volcanoes and the active ones are at the south-east tip of the archipelago, where Hawaii itself is situated. It also shows the how the volcano eruption occurs. It is pointed out that the chain began to form almost 80 million years ago on solid dense rock bed and each island started to evolve after an eruption on the seafloor. First, a `hot spot' existed on the ocean bed, which let out a plume of the material called 'magma'. Further, hot spot remained stable. Hence, magma spume was formed. This magma may originate as deep as 2,883 km below the ocean bed. Next, further eruptions took place, which built up the volcano. Eventually, it emerged above the surface of the ocean. Afterward, the spume of magma has remained immobile as the Pacific tectonic plate moves in a north-west direction across it at an annual speed of 7-9 centimetre. As it moves, a volcano forms as it passes over the hotspot and then become inactive when it has passed it. The other major islands in the Pacific ocean are Niihau, Kauai, Oahu, Molokai, Maui, Lanai and Kahoolawe which are 0-100 kilometres away from each other.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Missing verb Original: and roughly Suggested revision: and is roughly Why it matters: A finite verb is needed to complete the second part of the relative clause.
- 2. Natural reporting phrase Original: As is presented Suggested revision: As shown Why it matters: This is a more natural phrase for referring to information in a diagram.
- 3. Correct formation phrase Original: is formed of volcanoes Suggested revision: consists of volcanoes Why it matters: The original phrase uses an unsuitable preposition to describe the chain's composition.
- 4. Match the diagram Original: the active ones are Suggested revision: the youngest active volcano is Why it matters: The diagram identifies the youngest developing volcano at Hawaii rather than several active volcanoes.
- 5. Remove extra article Original: the how Suggested revision: how Why it matters: The article is not used before an embedded clause beginning with how.
- 6. Use adjective form Original: the volcano eruption Suggested revision: volcanic eruptions Why it matters: Volcanic is the appropriate adjective, and the diagram describes repeated eruptions.
- 7. Add article and structure Original: on solid dense rock bed Suggested revision: on a bed of solid, dense rock Why it matters: The countable noun bed needs an article and a clearer noun phrase.
- 8. Show repeated eruptions Original: after an eruption Suggested revision: through numerous eruptions Why it matters: The diagram shows that each volcano is built up by numerous eruptions, not a single eruption.
- 9. Use concise term Original: plume of the material called 'magma' Suggested revision: plume of magma Why it matters: The longer wording is redundant because magma directly names the material.
- 10. Clarify simultaneous stage Original: Further Suggested revision: Throughout the process Why it matters: The hot spot remains static throughout rather than at a subsequent stage.
- 11. Add definite article Original: hot spot remained Suggested revision: the hot spot remained Why it matters: The previously introduced singular hot spot requires the definite article here.
- 12. State exact depth Original: may originate as deep as Suggested revision: originates Why it matters: The diagram presents 2,883 km as the stated origin depth rather than a tentative maximum.
Suggested Rewrites
- and roughly and is roughly
- As is presented As shown
- is formed of volcanoes consists of volcanoes
- the active ones are the youngest active volcano is
- the how how
- the volcano eruption volcanic eruptions
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response gives a clear account of the volcanic formation sequence and incorporates most of the diagram's important labels, including the plate movement, hotspot depth, and age of the chain. Its main weakness is imprecision in the overview and island description, particularly unsupported or misleading claims about the chain's length and distances between islands. Prioritise a more accurate overview that contrasts the static hotspot with the moving plate and resulting age progression.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The main volcanic process and most key figures are accurately reported, but the overview includes unsupported spatial details and does not clearly highlight the age progression along the chain.
Base the overview strictly on the visual and emphasise that the static hotspot and north-westward plate movement create progressively older, inactive volcanoes.
Coherence and Cohesion
The stages follow a generally clear chronological order, but the single paragraph and several mechanical connectors weaken the organisation.
Separate the overview from the detailed process and group the formation stages into a logically sequenced body paragraph with fewer formulaic transitions.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a good range of process vocabulary, though several phrases such as 'volcano eruption,' 'magma spume was formed,' and 'annual speed' are awkward or imprecise.
Use more natural scientific collocations, such as 'volcanic eruption,' 'a plume of magma rises,' and 'an annual rate of 7-9 centimetres.'
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of complex structures is attempted and meaning remains clear, but article, agreement, and noun-form errors recur.
Check articles and agreement carefully, especially in phrases such as 'a solid dense rock bed,' 'the hotspot,' 'centimetres,' and 'then becomes inactive.'
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The diagram below gives the information about the Hawaiian island chain in the centre of the Pacific Ocean.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.