The diagram below gives the information about the Hawaiian island chain in the centre of the Pacific Ocean.
Sample Response
The given illustration presents information on the Hawaiian Island Chain centre of the Pacific Ocean. As is observed from the diagram, the Hawaiian island chain directly affects the Pacific tectonic plate and because of it, this plate shifts around 7-9 centimetre per year.
As is observed from the graph, below the Pacific Ocean, the Hawaiian island chain stands as several volcanos which are almost 80 million years old. These volcanos stand over the Pacific plate and the eruptions of these volcanos’ created a new volcano just over the Magna spume. The Pacific plate is situated on solid dense rock and because of the new volcano development; the hot spot spume remained static. The eruption process of the volcano’s starts from as deep as 2800 km and that has spat the solid rock layer.
Major islands within 100 km of this area are Maui, Molokai, Oahu and Kauai and because of the eruption and sliding of the plates, the centre of the Pacific Ocean is ever changing.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Add missing preposition Original: Hawaiian Island Chain centre of Suggested revision: Hawaiian island chain in the centre of Why it matters: The location phrase requires 'in the centre of', and the common noun does not need capitals.
- 2. Reverse the causal claim Original: directly affects the Pacific tectonic plate Suggested revision: is formed as the Pacific tectonic plate moves over a static hotspot Why it matters: The visual shows plate movement over a stationary hotspot forming the chain, not the chain affecting the plate.
- 3. Clarify the link Original: because of it Suggested revision: in this process Why it matters: The pronoun 'it' has an unclear reference in this causal statement.
- 4. Use plural units Original: 7-9 centimetre per year Suggested revision: 7–9 centimetres per year Why it matters: A numerical range greater than one requires the plural unit 'centimetres'.
- 5. Name the visual correctly Original: graph Suggested revision: diagram Why it matters: This visual is a labelled process diagram rather than a graph.
- 6. Describe the chain precisely Original: stands as several volcanos Suggested revision: consists of several volcanoes Why it matters: 'Consists of' is the natural verb for describing the chain's components, and 'volcanoes' is the standard spelling.
- 7. Correct the age range Original: almost 80 million years old Suggested revision: up to 80 million years old Why it matters: The diagram says the oldest volcano dates back 80 million years rather than showing that all volcanoes are nearly that age.
- 8. Use accurate wording Original: volcanos stand over Suggested revision: volcanoes lie on Why it matters: 'Lie on the Pacific plate' describes the labelled spatial relationship more naturally.
- 9. Remove false possessive Original: volcanos’ Suggested revision: volcanoes Why it matters: The plural noun is not possessive in the phrase 'eruptions of these volcanoes'.
- 10. Keep present tense Original: created Suggested revision: create Why it matters: Use the present simple to describe the process shown in the diagram.
- 11. Correct the technical term Original: Magna spume Suggested revision: magma plume Why it matters: The diagram labels this feature as a magma plume.
- 12. Separate coordinate adjectives Original: solid dense rock Suggested revision: solid, dense rock Why it matters: A comma clarifies that 'solid' and 'dense' independently describe the rock.
Suggested Rewrites
- Hawaiian Island Chain centre of Hawaiian island chain in the centre of
- directly affects the Pacific tectonic plate is formed as the Pacific tectonic plate moves over a static hotspot
- because of it in this process
- 7-9 centimetre per year 7–9 centimetres per year
- graph diagram
- stands as several volcanos consists of several volcanoes
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response identifies several relevant elements, including plate movement, the static hot spot, the deep origin of eruptions, and some named islands. However, it lacks a clear overall summary and presents parts of the volcanic process inaccurately or unclearly, with imprecise terms such as 'Magna spume' obscuring meaning. The priority is to explain the sequence accurately from the diagram and distinguish the fixed hot spot from the moving plate and progressively older volcanoes.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
Several relevant features are reported, but the overview is unclear and important relationships in the process are inaccurate or omitted.
State the overall relationship between the static hot spot, the moving plate, and the increasing age of volcanoes before adding accurate stages.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response uses a sensible introduction-body-conclusion structure, although repetition and some loosely connected statements weaken progression.
Organise the body as a clear chronological process and use reference words to connect each stage without repeating the same opening phrase.
Lexical Resource
There is some relevant geological vocabulary, but frequent misspellings and inaccurate choices such as 'spume' and 'spat' reduce precision.
Use the diagram's exact technical terms, including magma plume, hot spot, tectonic plate, eruption, and solid dense rock.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex sentences communicates the main ideas, but agreement, articles, possessives, and punctuation are often inaccurate.
Check plural verb forms and remove incorrect apostrophes in plural nouns, especially in references to volcanoes and eruptions.
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