The table shows the number of people who took part in a national health survey between 2005 and 2009, answering questions about their sleeping habits.
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Sample Response
The table illustrates the number of women and men who participatedwho who participate in a national health survey regarding their sleep patternson sleeping habits from 2005 to 2009.
Overall, the total number of participants increased significantly, peaking in 2009. While male and female trends differeddifferent, with female numbers peaking in 2008 and male participants surging in 2009. NotablyMeanwhile, both genders shared identical participation levelslevel in 2007 and 2009.
In 2005, a total of 8,000 people took part in the survey, including 6,000 women and 2,000 men. The total then rose markedly to 48,000 in 2006, with men accounting forof whom men made up 36,000, three times the 12,000 recorded for women.three times the number of women. In 2007, the total number of participants reached 64,00064.000, with women and men each accounting for 32,000.
A noticeable change occurred in 2008: the number2008, the number of female participants soared to 331,000 while the figure for menmale declined slightly to 31,000. As a result, women made up the vast majority of the 362,000 participantsthe majority of 362,000 people that year. By 2009, the trend reversedinversed. Female numbers dropped to 270,000, whereas the number of men peaked at 270,000, with the total number reachingbeing to 540,000.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response effectively presents all key figures from the table and provides a clear summary overview of the trends. However, grammatical inaccuracies, such as sentence fragments and run-on sentences, occasionally hinder structural clarity. To improve, focus on refining sentence boundaries and ensuring accurate word forms throughout the text.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The main trends and exact figures for all years are clearly selected, accurately reported, and well compared.
Maintain this detailed data coverage while ensuring key trends in the overview are expressed without ambiguity.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is logically organized by paragraph, though cohesion is weakened by run-on sentences and a dependent clause fragment.
Use proper punctuation and coordinating conjunctions to avoid comma splices between independent clauses.
Lexical Resource
A good variety of vocabulary is used to describe changes in data, with only minor word form errors.
Ensure accurate word formation and collocation choices, such as using 'reversed' instead of 'inversed'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex sentence structures is attempted, but frequent mechanical and structural errors are present.
Proofread for sentence fragments, proper subject-verb agreement, and correct prepositional phrasing.