The table shows the number of people who took part in a national health survey between 2005 and 2009, answering questions about their sleeping habits.
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Sample Response
The table compares the participation of men and womenillustrates the number of women and men who participatedparticipate in a national health survey regarding their sleeping habits from 2005 to 2009.
Overall, the total number of participants increased significantly, peaking in 2009. Male and female trends differed,While male and female trends different, with female numbers peaking in 2008 and male participants surging in 2009. Furthermore, both genders shared identical participation levelslevel in 2007 and 2009.
In 2005, a total of 8,000 people took part in the survey, comprisingincluding 6,000 women and 2,000 men. The total then rose markedly to 48,000 in 2006, with men accounting for 36,000with men accounting for made up 36,000, three times the 12,000 recorded for women12,000 recorded women. In 2007, the total number of participants reached 64,000, with women and men each accounting for 32,000.
A noticeable change occurred in 2008: theoccurred in 2008, the number of female participants soared to 331,000 while the figure for menmale declined slightly to 31,000. As a result, women made up the vast majority of the 362,000 participantsthe vast majority of 362,000 people that year. By 2009, however, the trend reversedinversed. Female participation fell to 270,000, whileFemale numbers dropped to 270,000, whereas the number of men peaked at 270,000, with the total number reaching 540,000.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The essay effectively covers all key statistical features from the table and provides an accurate, data-rich report with a clear overview. However, structural grammar errors such as sentence fragments and comma splices, alongside occasional misformed verbs, detract from readability. Focusing on proofreading for complete clause structures and correct verb forms will yield the highest improvement.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
Key trends, figures, and gender comparisons across all years are selected accurately and presented with a clear overall summary.
Maintain this detailed approach while ensuring overview statements precisely reflect overall pattern contrasts.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is logically grouped chronologically into clear paragraphs, though coherence is occasionally disrupted by incomplete clauses.
Avoid sentence fragments by ensuring dependent clauses starting with words like while connect directly to a main clause.
Lexical Resource
A good variety of task-appropriate vocabulary is used to describe changes, peaks, and proportions.
Refine word form accuracy and collocations by replacing awkward phrasing like trend inversed with standard expressions like trend reversed.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex sentences is attempted, but frequent grammar and punctuation errors occur, including run-on sentences and verb tense slips.
Eliminate comma splices and redundant phrasing by reviewing clause punctuation and verb combinations during proofreading.