The table below shows the figures for imprisonment in five countries between 1930 and 1980. Figures (in thousand) for imprisonment in five countries between 1930 and 1980.
Sample Response
The chart compares the numbers of prisoners from 1930 to 1980 in five different countries, namely Great Britain, Australia, New Zealand, the United States and Canada.
At a glance, the imprisonment figure in the USA and UK climbed over the period and in Canada, Australia, and New Zealand, it actually declined.
It is clearly seen that the United States had the highest number of inmates. Also, Britain had the lowest figure in 4 out of 6 years. In 1930, the number of prisoners in the United States was the highest, with 120 thousand prisoners, then this number increased significantly to reach a peak of 140 thousand in 1980. By contrast, Britain had the lowest figure for prisoners until 1970, then the figure jumped suddenly to reach 90 thousand.
Canada had the highest number of imprisonment in 1930 and 1960 with nearly 140 thousand people each year. In 1970 the number of prisoners in Great Britain, New Zealand and Australia was the same, about 70 thousand people. In 1980, 50 thousand people in New Zealand were put in prison which was the lowest figure this year.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Qualify the claim Original: had the highest number of inmates Suggested revision: generally had the highest prisoner totals Why it matters: Canada, rather than the United States, has the highest figure in 1930.
- 2. Use formal wording Original: 4 out of 6 years Suggested revision: four of the six years shown Why it matters: Spelling out the number and identifying the displayed years makes the reference clearer.
- 3. Correct the period Original: until 1970 Suggested revision: from 1930 to 1960 Why it matters: Britain is lowest in the first four years and is tied with two countries in 1970.
- 4. Correct the value Original: 90 thousand Suggested revision: about 85 thousand Why it matters: The British figure in 1980 is approximately 85 thousand on the chart.
- 5. Remove redundancy Original: five different countries Suggested revision: five countries Why it matters: Different is unnecessary because the five named countries are already distinct.
- 6. Add the article Original: in the USA and UK Suggested revision: in the USA and the UK Why it matters: Both abbreviated country names conventionally take the definite article.
- 7. Use direct reporting Original: It is clearly seen that Suggested revision: The chart shows that Why it matters: A direct reporting clause is more concise and appropriately attributes the observation to the visual.
- 8. Use formal linking Original: Also, Britain Suggested revision: In addition, Britain Why it matters: In addition provides a clearer formal connection to the preceding general observation.
- 9. Fix the comma splice Original: , then this number increased significantly Suggested revision: ; the figure then increased overall Why it matters: A semicolon correctly joins the independent clauses, while overall acknowledges the intervening fluctuation.
- 10. Use concise terminology Original: the lowest figure for prisoners Suggested revision: the lowest prisoner total Why it matters: Prisoner total expresses the measured quantity more directly.
- 11. Link the clauses Original: then the figure jumped suddenly Suggested revision: and the figure then rose sharply Why it matters: The coordinating conjunction avoids a comma splice and rose is standard chart language.
- 12. Add introductory comma Original: In 1970 Suggested revision: In 1970, Why it matters: A comma should follow this introductory time phrase.
Suggested Rewrites
- had the highest number of inmates generally had the highest prisoner totals
- 4 out of 6 years four of the six years shown
- until 1970 from 1930 to 1960
- 90 thousand about 85 thousand
- five different countries five countries
- in the USA and UK in the USA and the UK
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response is strongest in its clear organization and concise overview of the broad changes across the five countries. Its main limitation is factual accuracy: several claims conflict with the chart, including the United States figure for 1930, Canada's position in 1960, and the lowest figure in 1980. The highest-priority improvement is to verify country labels and values carefully before selecting comparisons.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
A relevant overview and several valid comparisons are included, but multiple important figures and rankings are misreported.
Cross-check every selected year and country, particularly 1930, 1960, and the 1980 lowest figure, against the chart.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses clearly from an overview to country-specific details, with generally effective paragraphing and linking.
Arrange the detail paragraphs around consistent comparison groups so that changing country rankings are even easier to follow.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is generally appropriate and includes useful variation, though some collocations such as 'number of imprisonment' are inaccurate.
Use precise statistical phrases such as 'number of prisoners,' 'prison population,' and 'the lowest figure that year.'
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex sentences is handled with generally good control, despite occasional awkward coordination and reference.
Refine complex sentences by checking pronoun reference, clause boundaries, and punctuation around added comparisons.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The table below shows the figures for imprisonment in five countries between 1930 and 1980. Figures (in thousand) for imprisonment in five countries between 1930 and 1980.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.