The table below shows the figures for imprisonment in five countries between 1930 and 1980. Figures (in thousand) for imprisonment in five countries between 1930 and 1980.
Sample Response
The graph presents data on the figures for imprisonment in five countries from 1930 to 1980.
Overall, the data shows considerable fluctuations in the figures for imprisonments in those countries while showing no solid pattern.
In Great Britain, the number of prisoners steadily increased from 30 thousand to over 80 thousand in five decades. It is interesting to note that Great Britain had the lowest imprisonment in 1930, but it was Australia who stood at that position in 1980. On the other hand, the figures in Australia and New Zealand remarkably declined except in 1970. Australia, despite having an imprisonment number of over 70 thousand in 1930, managed to reduce it by 20 thousand in 1980. New Zealand managed to reduce their imprisonment number from 100 thousand in 1930 to half of it in just two decades but again witnessed a steady rise afterwards. The United States had 130 thousand imprisonment number in 1940 and it was slightly higher in 1980. Finally, the imprisonment number in Canada was 120 thousand in 1930, the highest among the given countries, and with some major fluctuations, stayed at 90 thousand in 1980.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use uncountable noun Original: imprisonments Suggested revision: imprisonment Why it matters: Imprisonment is uncountable when referring generally to the phenomenon.
- 2. Use precise measure Original: lowest imprisonment Suggested revision: smallest prison population Why it matters: The chart measures prisoner numbers, so prison population is the precise term.
- 3. Fix comparison clause Original: it was Australia who stood at that position Suggested revision: Australia had the lowest figure Why it matters: This wording states the comparison directly and avoids the unsuitable personal relative pronoun.
- 4. Avoid implied agency Original: managed to reduce it Suggested revision: saw it fall Why it matters: The chart shows a change in the figure but does not indicate deliberate action by Australia.
- 5. Fix agreement Original: their imprisonment number Suggested revision: its prison population Why it matters: New Zealand is singular and therefore requires the singular possessive its.
- 6. Use natural quantity phrase Original: 130 thousand imprisonment number Suggested revision: a prison population of 130,000 Why it matters: Prison population is the natural expression for the number of prisoners.
- 7. Clarify final movement Original: with some major fluctuations, stayed at Suggested revision: after some major fluctuations, stood at Why it matters: After clearly links the intervening fluctuations to the final figure.
- 8. Remove redundant wording Original: data on the figures for imprisonment Suggested revision: data on prison populations Why it matters: The shorter phrase conveys the measured quantities without repeating the idea of data and figures.
- 9. Use precise overview wording Original: while showing no solid pattern Suggested revision: without revealing a single common pattern Why it matters: The countries follow contrasting trends rather than having no observable patterns at all.
- 10. Report value precisely Original: over 80 thousand Suggested revision: about 85,000 Why it matters: The final British bar is approximately 85,000.
- 11. Correct starting value Original: an imprisonment number of over 70 thousand Suggested revision: a prison population of 70,000 Why it matters: Australia's 1930 figure is 70,000, not above 70,000.
- 12. Fix time expression Original: by 20 thousand in 1980 Suggested revision: by 20,000 by 1980 Why it matters: By 1980 correctly marks the endpoint over which the reduction occurred.
Suggested Rewrites
- imprisonments imprisonment
- lowest imprisonment smallest prison population
- it was Australia who stood at that position Australia had the lowest figure
- managed to reduce it saw it fall
- their imprisonment number its prison population
- 130 thousand imprisonment number a prison population of 130,000
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response covers all five countries with relevant figures and generally clear comparisons, and its language allows the trends to be followed easily. Its main weakness is an overly general overview that misses the most striking patterns, particularly the sustained dominance of the United States and Canada and Britain’s rise. Prioritise a more specific overview, then refine awkward expressions such as the repeated phrase imprisonment number for greater precision.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The response addresses all five countries with mostly accurate figures, but the overview is too vague and the claim about Australian and New Zealand declines is imprecise.
State the clearest overall patterns, including the consistently high North American figures and Britain’s sustained rise, before presenting selected details.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information progresses logically from the overview to country-by-country comparisons, with cohesive devices generally used effectively.
Group countries by similar trends rather than placing every detailed comparison in one long paragraph.
Lexical Resource
A sufficient range of trend and comparison vocabulary is used, though several collocations such as imprisonment number and stood at that position are awkward.
Use precise combinations such as number of prisoners, recorded the lowest figure, and fell substantially.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Varied complex sentences are generally well controlled, with only occasional agreement and pronoun-reference problems.
Check agreement and reference carefully, especially in constructions involving collective figures and country names.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The table below shows the figures for imprisonment in five countries between 1930 and 1980. Figures (in thousand) for imprisonment in five countries between 1930 and 1980.
Your response
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