The table below shows the figures for imprisonment in five countries between 1930 and 1980.
Sample Response
The bar chart depicts the number of prisoners in thousands, in five different countries, namely Great Britain, Australia, New Zealand, the United States and Canada during a period of 50 years commencing from 1930.
Overall, the graph gives an impression that the incarceration rate in the USA and UK escalated over time while in Canada, Australia, and New Zealand, it actually decreased.
As is evident in the presentation, Great Britain had the lowest number of imprisonment throughout the initial 40 years till 1980. Interestingly, Britain had witnessed a steady growth in figures, which started from around 30000 in the year 1930 and reached around 70000 in the year 1970. By contrast, the United States had the maximum number of criminals throughout the entire span of years except in the first decade, which is 1930. Moreover, in the year 1980, the United States had to imprison the highest number of citizens in the entire period, which accounted for around 130000.
It is apparent from the graph that the crime rate in Canada had fallen gradually and steadily, from 120000 people in 1930 to a significantly less 90000 people in 1980. However, except for the years, 1930 and 1980, Australia had considerably less number of jailing and New Zealand had always positioned as the top three consistently just behind Canada and the United States.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove intrusive comma Original: in thousands, in five different countries Suggested revision: in thousands for five different countries Why it matters: The comma unnecessarily separates the unit from the countries it describes.
- 2. Use concise timeframe Original: during a period of 50 years commencing from 1930 Suggested revision: over the 50-year period beginning in 1930 Why it matters: The replacement is more natural and concise for describing the chart period.
- 3. State trend directly Original: gives an impression that Suggested revision: shows that Why it matters: The chart presents data directly, so tentative wording is unnecessary.
- 4. Add article Original: USA and UK Suggested revision: USA and the UK Why it matters: The abbreviation 'UK' requires the definite article.
- 5. Clarify reference Original: it actually decreased Suggested revision: the totals decreased overall Why it matters: The singular pronoun has no clear antecedent for the three countries.
- 6. Name the count Original: imprisonment Suggested revision: prisoners Why it matters: 'Imprisonment' is an event or state and cannot directly name the people counted.
- 7. Correct the period Original: initial 40 years till 1980 Suggested revision: first 40 years, through 1970 Why it matters: The first four decades run from 1930 through 1970, not 1980.
- 8. Use accurate label Original: maximum number of criminals Suggested revision: highest number of prisoners Why it matters: The chart counts prisoners and does not classify everyone shown as a criminal.
- 9. Correct time reference Original: except in the first decade, which is 1930 Suggested revision: except in 1930 Why it matters: 1930 is a single observation year, not a decade in the chart.
- 10. Avoid unsupported action Original: had to imprison Suggested revision: recorded Why it matters: The chart reports a total and does not indicate that authorities were compelled to imprison people.
- 11. Name prisoners accurately Original: highest number of citizens Suggested revision: highest prisoner total Why it matters: The data concern prisoners rather than citizens generally.
- 12. Refine the figure Original: accounted for around 130000 Suggested revision: stood at about 135,000 Why it matters: The 1980 US bar is approximately 135 thousand.
Suggested Rewrites
- in thousands, in five different countries in thousands for five different countries
- during a period of 50 years commencing from 1930 over the 50-year period beginning in 1930
- gives an impression that shows that
- USA and UK USA and the UK
- it actually decreased the totals decreased overall
- imprisonment prisoners
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response provides a clear overview of the broad national trends and selects useful figures for Britain, the United States and Canada. Its strongest comparisons are generally accurate, but it wrongly implies that the United States led in every year except 1930, overlooking Canada's higher 1950 figure, and the final Australia–New Zealand description is unclear. Prioritise precise year-by-year comparisons at the main peaks and endpoints, using 'prisoner numbers' rather than crime-rate language.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
A clear overview and several key trends are presented accurately, although the US ranking in 1950 is wrong and the Australia and New Zealand comparison lacks precision.
Note that Canada exceeded the US in 1930 and 1950, then compare the fluctuating Australian and New Zealand figures accurately at their endpoints.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is organised into a clear introduction, overview and two detail paragraphs, with logical movement between countries despite a slightly confused final comparison.
Group the rising countries together and the overall declining countries together so that every sentence supports the overview directly.
Lexical Resource
The report demonstrates a good range of trend and comparison vocabulary, but several noun choices and collocations misrepresent prisoner figures as crime rates or actions.
Use 'number of prisoners', 'imprisonment figure', 'recorded the highest total' and 'ranked third', avoiding 'crime rate', 'number of jailing' and 'had to imprison'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex and simple structures are generally controlled, though countability, tense choice and the construction of the final sentence contain noticeable errors.
Use simple past consistently for recorded figures and revise countable phrases such as 'a lower number of prisoners' and 'New Zealand ranked third'.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The table below shows the figures for imprisonment in five countries between 1930 and 1980.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.