The charts below show the reasons for migration to and from one European country in 2009.
This response is estimated at Band 8.0. Can you write a better one?
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Sample Response
The two pie charts compare the reasons for migration to and from one European country in 2009. Overall, a definite job was the most common reason for emigration from the country, while accompanying family was the leading reasonfamily was the leading reason for immigration to the country. “No reason” accounted for the smallest share in both charts. In the first chart, 25% of immigrants moved to the country for accompanying family members.family reasons. By contrast, only 15% of emigrants left for family-related reasons,for family reasons, 10 percentage points lower than the figure for immigrants. Furthermore, 15% of immigrants moved to the country for other reasons, while this figure was higher at 23%rose to 23% among emigrants. A closer look at the second chart shows that 38% of emigrants left the country for a definite job, 15 percentage points higher (compared to 23%)15 percentage points higher than the corresponding figure for immigrants. Moreover, the proportion of people citing no reason was the lowest overall,both charts show that “no reason” accounted for the smallest share, at 7% for immigration and only 4% for emigration.
Why this response received Band 8.0
The essay presents a clear and accurate summary of the primary data, featuring an effective overview and well-structured comparisons between immigration and emigration figures. Main features and key contrasts are logically organised, supported by precise vocabulary and consistently accurate grammatical structures. To achieve a higher score, ensure every single data category depicted in the charts is incorporated into the detailed report.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
Key trends and main contrasts are clearly highlighted and supported with accurate numerical data.
Include minor features such as study and looking for work to ensure complete data coverage.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is logically grouped into paragraphs with smooth paragraph transitions and precise cohesive devices.
Vary cohesive signals slightly more between sentences to avoid repetitive comparative formulas.
Lexical Resource
A good range of lexical items is used accurately and flexibly to describe percentages and comparative differences.
Incorporate a wider range of academic synonyms for movement terms like immigration and emigration.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Grammatical structures are varied, naturally constructed, and completely free of punctuation or syntax errors.
Maintain this high standard of grammatical accuracy while expanding complex sentence structures.