The chart below shows the sleep patterns of people in five different occupations according to a Canadian study.
Sample Response
The provided data shows the sleeping pattern of people of different occupations based on a Canadian study. As is observed from the given information, the timing and total hours of sleeping varies based on the occupation group of people
Firstly, students sleep 8 hours a day and their average sleeping hours are from 11:00 pm to 7:00 am. Secondly, Truck drivers sleep on different times of a day possibly because of their job nature and variation of driving schedules and they sleep around 6 hours a day. Again, full-time mothers sleep from 10 pm and with some intervals they also show a variation on sleeping times and in total they sleep 8 hours a day. Business executives sleep 6 hours a day but they have a consistent sleeping pattern like the students and they sleep from 11.00 pm to 5:00 am on an average. Finally, the doctors sleep fewer hours than people from other occupation. They sleep from 1:00 a.m. to 7:00 a.m. with an interval of one hour.
In summary, the sleeping patterns vary based on the occupation of the people and students & full-time mothers sleep more hours in a day while doctors sleep comparatively less among the different categories of people.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Match plural data Original: shows Suggested revision: show Why it matters: Data is treated as plural in formal academic writing here.
- 2. Use the chart term Original: the sleeping pattern Suggested revision: the sleep patterns Why it matters: Sleep patterns is the more natural term and reflects the multiple occupations shown.
- 3. Choose the right preposition Original: of Suggested revision: in Why it matters: People are described as being in occupations rather than of occupations.
- 4. Signal the overview directly Original: As is observed from the given information Suggested revision: Overall Why it matters: A direct overview marker is clearer and less wordy.
- 5. Fix agreement and form Original: the timing and total hours of sleeping varies Suggested revision: the timing and total hours of sleep vary Why it matters: The compound subject requires vary, and hours of sleep is the natural noun phrase.
- 6. Use concise wording Original: occupation group of people Suggested revision: occupational group. Why it matters: Occupational group expresses the same meaning more concisely and completes the sentence.
- 7. Describe a time range Original: sleeping hours are from Suggested revision: usual sleeping hours run from Why it matters: Run from is a natural way to introduce the beginning of a time range.
- 8. Lowercase common noun Original: Truck Suggested revision: truck Why it matters: A common occupational label should not be capitalized mid-sentence.
- 9. Fix time prepositions Original: sleep on different times of a day Suggested revision: sleep at different times of the day Why it matters: Use at with times and the for a general daily period.
- 10. Use natural wording Original: their job nature Suggested revision: the nature of their work Why it matters: The nature of their work is the standard English expression.
- 11. Fix noun and preposition Original: variation of driving schedules Suggested revision: variations in driving schedules Why it matters: The plural noun and preposition in correctly describe differences among schedules.
- 12. Improve the transition Original: Again, full-time mothers Suggested revision: By contrast, full-time mothers Why it matters: By contrast better signals the shift from truck drivers' irregular pattern to this group.
Suggested Rewrites
- shows show
- the sleeping pattern the sleep patterns
- of in
- As is observed from the given information Overall
- the timing and total hours of sleeping varies the timing and total hours of sleep vary
- occupation group of people occupational group.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response has a clear occupation-by-occupation structure and communicates its comparisons in generally appropriate language. However, the supplied visual identifies the occupations and hourly periods without showing asleep or awake entries, so the claimed schedules and totals cannot be verified and the explanation of drivers' job conditions is speculative; prioritise reporting only features explicitly supported by visible chart markings.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The response provides an overview and addresses every occupation, but its detailed sleep times and totals are unsupported by the visible chart and it adds speculation about truck drivers.
Base each stated duration and comparison on clearly visible asleep or awake markings, and omit causal explanations that the chart does not provide.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction, detailed comparison, and summary form a clear progression, although the long central paragraph relies on mechanical sequencing and repetition.
Group occupations by shared sleep patterns or totals and use fewer enumerative transitions to create more meaningful comparison.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is sufficient for the task and includes some appropriate comparative language, but awkward collocations and repeated forms reduce precision.
Use natural expressions such as 'sleep at different times', 'people in each occupation', and 'on average' while varying repeated uses of 'sleep'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex sentences conveys meaning, but agreement, article, preposition, punctuation, and sentence-boundary errors recur.
Proofread subject-verb agreement and divide the long sentences joined repeatedly with 'and' into accurately punctuated clauses.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The chart below shows the sleep patterns of people in five different occupations according to a Canadian study.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.