The chart below shows the sleep patterns of people in five different occupations according to a Canadian study.
This response is estimated at Band 6.0. Can you write a better one?
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Sample Response
The given chart showsillustration demonstrates sleep patterns of students, full-time mothers, truck drivers, doctors and business executives based on a Canadian studya study conducted in Canada. As is observed, people’s sleep timessleeping time and duration vary greatly based on their occupations.
As shown in the chartAs is given in the chart, students have a regular, uninterrupted sleep patterna steady and uninterrupted sleeping pattern. They usually sleep between 11 pm and 7 ampm and this is probably because they have to attend classes during the daytime. The truck drivers sleep at different times of the day and they do not sleep for long periodshours. They sleep fewer hours than the students but more than the doctorsmore than doctors. The most probable reason for this is irregular shiftsunfixed duty at different times of the day. Then comes the full-time mothers who also have an inconsistent sleeping pattern and they need to take care of their children and that is why they remain awake from 1-3 am which should have been the time for sound sleep. Business executives, on the other hand, sleep more than the doctors but less than the students. They sleep continuouslysleep continuous hours between 11 pm and 5 am. Since they need to remain busy at their workplaces, they try to sleep at nightnight time. Finally, doctors have the most erratic sleeping pattern and they sleep fewer hours than the other groupsfewer hours than others. They go to bed at 1 am and wakeawake at 7 am. But the 3-4 am sleeping pattern for doctors shows that they need to remain awake at these hours.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response is easy to follow and covers all five occupations, with a useful general observation that sleeping times and durations vary. Its main weakness is the limited, sometimes inconsistent visual reporting: several claims are speculative, the student and doctor timings contain contradictions, and few precise patterns are developed. Prioritise accurate, chart-based comparisons and remove explanations about classes, work, or childcare that the visual does not supply.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The response addresses every occupation and gives an overview, but visual details are uneven, sometimes inconsistent, and mixed with unsupported explanations.
Report exact sleep and awake periods from the chart, compare occupations directly, and omit speculative causes for their patterns.
Coherence and Cohesion
The account progresses occupation by occupation and uses linking language, although the single long body paragraph and repetitive transitions make organisation mechanical.
Group occupations into two purposeful detail paragraphs based on continuous versus fragmented sleep patterns.
Lexical Resource
There is enough vocabulary to describe variation, but repetition and awkward choices such as “unfixed duty” and “continuous hours” reduce precision.
Use more exact chart language, such as “fragmented sleep,” “uninterrupted period,” and “sleep interval,” while avoiding causal vocabulary.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses a mix of sentence forms and remains clear, despite recurring awkward clauses, missing comparison words, and verb-form errors.
Proofread complex sentences for complete comparisons and correct verb patterns, especially “more than doctors do” and “wake at 7 am.”