The chart below shows the sleep patterns of people in five different occupations according to a Canadian study.
Sample Response
The given illustration demonstrates sleep patterns of students, full-time mothers, truck drivers, doctors and business executives based on a study conducted in Canada. As is observed, people’s sleeping time and duration vary greatly based on their occupations.
As is given in the chart, students have a steady and uninterrupted sleeping pattern. They usually sleep between 11 pm and 7 pm and this is probably because they have to attend classes during the daytime. The truck drivers sleep at different times of the day and they do not sleep for long hours. They sleep fewer hours than the students but more than doctors. The most probable reason for this is unfixed duty at different times of the day. Then comes the full-time mothers who also have an inconsistent sleeping pattern and they need to take care of their children and that is why they remain awake from 1-3 am which should have been the time for sound sleep. Business executives, on the other hand, sleep more than the doctors but less than the students. They sleep continuous hours between 11 pm and 5 am. Since they need to remain busy at their workplaces, they try to sleep at night time. Finally, doctors have the most erratic sleeping pattern and they sleep fewer hours than others. They go to bed at 1 am and awake at 7 am. But the 3-4 am sleeping pattern for doctors shows that they need to remain awake at these hours.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use chart wording Original: illustration demonstrates Suggested revision: chart shows Why it matters: This is the standard direct phrasing for describing visual data.
- 2. Use concise phrasing Original: a study conducted in Canada Suggested revision: a Canadian study Why it matters: The shorter phrase preserves the same meaning.
- 3. Use plural form Original: sleeping time Suggested revision: sleep times Why it matters: The sentence refers to varying times across several occupational groups.
- 4. Use natural reporting Original: As is given in the chart Suggested revision: As shown in the chart Why it matters: 'As shown' is the natural phrase for referring to visual information.
- 5. Refine sleep phrasing Original: a steady and uninterrupted sleeping pattern Suggested revision: a regular, uninterrupted sleep pattern Why it matters: 'Sleep pattern' is more natural and 'regular' describes consistency precisely.
- 6. Correct the time Original: pm Suggested revision: am Why it matters: A sleep period beginning at 11 p.m. ends in the morning, not the evening.
- 7. Use natural collocation Original: hours Suggested revision: periods Why it matters: 'For long periods' is more natural when describing stretches of sleep.
- 8. Add definite article Original: more than doctors Suggested revision: more than the doctors Why it matters: The comparison refers to the specific doctor group shown in the chart.
- 9. Use precise collocation Original: unfixed duty Suggested revision: irregular shifts Why it matters: 'Irregular shifts' is the natural expression for a changing work schedule.
- 10. Use adverb form Original: sleep continuous hours Suggested revision: sleep continuously Why it matters: An adverb is needed to describe how they sleep.
- 11. Use concise wording Original: night time Suggested revision: night Why it matters: 'At night' is the more natural fixed expression.
- 12. Clarify comparison Original: fewer hours than others Suggested revision: fewer hours than the other groups Why it matters: The comparative needs a clear reference to the remaining occupational groups.
Suggested Rewrites
- illustration demonstrates chart shows
- a study conducted in Canada a Canadian study
- sleeping time sleep times
- As is given in the chart As shown in the chart
- a steady and uninterrupted sleeping pattern a regular, uninterrupted sleep pattern
- pm am
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response is easy to follow and covers all five occupations, with a useful general observation that sleeping times and durations vary. Its main weakness is the limited, sometimes inconsistent visual reporting: several claims are speculative, the student and doctor timings contain contradictions, and few precise patterns are developed. Prioritise accurate, chart-based comparisons and remove explanations about classes, work, or childcare that the visual does not supply.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The response addresses every occupation and gives an overview, but visual details are uneven, sometimes inconsistent, and mixed with unsupported explanations.
Report exact sleep and awake periods from the chart, compare occupations directly, and omit speculative causes for their patterns.
Coherence and Cohesion
The account progresses occupation by occupation and uses linking language, although the single long body paragraph and repetitive transitions make organisation mechanical.
Group occupations into two purposeful detail paragraphs based on continuous versus fragmented sleep patterns.
Lexical Resource
There is enough vocabulary to describe variation, but repetition and awkward choices such as “unfixed duty” and “continuous hours” reduce precision.
Use more exact chart language, such as “fragmented sleep,” “uninterrupted period,” and “sleep interval,” while avoiding causal vocabulary.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses a mix of sentence forms and remains clear, despite recurring awkward clauses, missing comparison words, and verb-form errors.
Proofread complex sentences for complete comparisons and correct verb patterns, especially “more than doctors do” and “wake at 7 am.”
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The chart below shows the sleep patterns of people in five different occupations according to a Canadian study.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.