The table below shows social and economic indicators for four countries in 1994, according to United Nations statistics.
Sample Response
Data presented in the table shows four social and economic indicators in the year 1994 for Canada, Japan, Peru and Zaire, based on the statistics of the UN. As is observed from the given data, Japan and Canada had far better economic conditions than the other two countries. According to the table data, Japan had the highest per capita income (annually over 15 thousand US dollar) while Peru and Zaire had fewer per person income (just over 100 USD) in 1994. Canada held the second position in this economic indicator with over 11 thousand per person annual income. Again, life expectancy in Japan and Canada was far better than the other two countries. While the Japanese population had a 78 years life expectancy, people of Peru and Zaire had a life expectancy of 50 years at the birth time. Canadian and Japanese had plenty of daily calories supply (around 3000 calories per day for individual person) while Peru and Zaire managed to have less than 2 thousand daily calorie supply per person. For the final economic and social indicator of these four countries, literacy rates in Japan and Canada were far better than the other two countries. Peru managed to have over 50% literacy rates while almost a two-third population of Zaire was illiterate.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix agreement Original: Data presented in the table shows Suggested revision: The data presented in the table show Why it matters: In formal academic usage, data is plural and takes show.
- 2. Use concise source Original: based on the statistics of the UN Suggested revision: based on UN statistics Why it matters: This is a more concise and natural source attribution.
- 3. Cover all indicators Original: far better economic conditions Suggested revision: far stronger socioeconomic outcomes Why it matters: The table includes health, nutrition, and literacy as well as income.
- 4. Remove redundancy Original: According to the table data Suggested revision: According to the table Why it matters: Table data is redundant after According to the table.
- 5. Fix amount form Original: (annually over 15 thousand US dollar) Suggested revision: (over US$15,000 annually) Why it matters: The currency expression needs a plural or standard symbol format and more natural word order.
- 6. Use income comparison Original: fewer per person income Suggested revision: lower per capita incomes Why it matters: Income is uncountable, so lower rather than fewer is required.
- 7. Clarify income figure Original: over 11 thousand per person annual income Suggested revision: annual per capita income of over US$11,000 Why it matters: This gives the amount in a natural statistical phrase.
- 8. Fix measure phrase Original: a 78 years life expectancy Suggested revision: a life expectancy of 78 years Why it matters: The measurement should follow life expectancy of.
- 9. Use standard term Original: at the birth time Suggested revision: at birth Why it matters: At birth is the standard expression for this indicator.
- 10. Name countries Original: Canadian and Japanese Suggested revision: Canada and Japan Why it matters: The sentence compares countries, not an adjective and a nationality noun.
- 11. Use statistical wording Original: plenty of daily calories supply Suggested revision: high daily calorie supplies Why it matters: Plenty of is informal and calorie supply requires a clearer quantitative collocation.
- 12. Fix per-person phrase Original: around 3000 calories per day for individual person Suggested revision: around 3,000 calories per person per day Why it matters: The revised order is the standard form for a per-person daily measure.
Suggested Rewrites
- Data presented in the table shows The data presented in the table show
- based on the statistics of the UN based on UN statistics
- far better economic conditions far stronger socioeconomic outcomes
- According to the table data According to the table
- (annually over 15 thousand US dollar) (over US$15,000 annually)
- fewer per person income lower per capita incomes
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response presents a clear overall comparison and covers all four indicators with mostly accurate figures, making the large gap between the two country groups easy to follow. The main limitation is imprecise aggregation, especially treating Peru and Zaire as sharing the same life expectancy and rounding several values broadly. Prioritise more exact country-by-country comparisons while retaining the concise overview.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The response gives a clear overview and covers every indicator with relevant comparisons, although some distinct country values are merged into broad approximations.
Preserve the overview while distinguishing figures such as Peru's 51-year and Zaire's 47-year life expectancy.
Coherence and Cohesion
The description progresses logically by indicator and the central comparison remains clear, despite repetitive transitions and a single dense paragraph.
Use separate overview and detail paragraphs, grouping closely related indicators without repeatedly using 'Again.'
Lexical Resource
Relevant terms such as 'per capita income' and 'life expectancy' show adequate range, but several collocations and word forms are awkward.
Replace phrases such as 'fewer per person income' with precise forms such as 'lower per-capita income.'
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex comparisons are attempted and meaning remains clear, but errors in agreement, plurals, articles, and noun phrases occur regularly.
Check countability and noun phrase form in expressions involving dollars, years, nationalities, and proportions.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The table below shows social and economic indicators for four countries in 1994, according to United Nations statistics.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.