The charts below show the workforce profile at the top management jobs by ethnicity and race in South Africa based on a 2015/16 report. Write a report for a university teacher describing the information shown in the diagrams below. Workforce profile at Top Management level by race in SA Workforce profile at Top Management level for public and private sector by race in SA
Sample Response
The pie chart compares the South African top management workforce scenario based on different races and ethnicities while the bar graph depicts the same ratio in the public and private sectors. The data is taken from a report published in 2015/16. It is evident that top management positions in South Africa are white dominant and whites are over-presented in private job sectors while the Africans occupy the majority of top positions in public sector jobs. The pie chart reveals that whites are noticeably over-presented in the higher job positions in South Africa as they accounted for over 68% of all top management jobs compared to only 4.7% and 14.3% Coloured and Africans in such positions. Indians represent just over 8.5% of this workforce while foreigners work in 3.5% of such top-level positions. The bar graph depicts that South African top public sector jobs, over 73%, are dominated by African workers while white over-presents the private sector jobs. Every three out of five top private-sector jobs are occupied by whites. Finally, Indians accounted for 8 and 6 percentage private and public job positions, higher than the ratio of Coloured and foreigners' job ratio in top management in South Africa.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use chart terminology Original: scenario Suggested revision: profile Why it matters: 'Profile' is the more precise term for the distribution shown.
- 2. Match chart grouping Original: different races and ethnicities Suggested revision: racial groups Why it matters: Both visuals classify the workforce by the racial categories shown.
- 3. Clarify chart content Original: the same ratio Suggested revision: the corresponding distribution Why it matters: The bar chart presents several sector-specific shares rather than one ratio.
- 4. Fix adjective structure Original: white dominant Suggested revision: dominated by white employees Why it matters: The original compound does not form a grammatical predicate.
- 5. Correct representation phrase Original: whites are over-presented in private job sectors Suggested revision: white employees are over-represented in the private sector Why it matters: 'Over-represented' is the correct term, and the chart shows one private sector.
- 6. Remove unnecessary article Original: the Africans Suggested revision: Africans Why it matters: A plural group label used generally does not require 'the' here.
- 7. Use concise sector term Original: top positions in public sector jobs Suggested revision: top public-sector positions Why it matters: The replacement is more concise and avoids the vague word 'jobs'.
- 8. Use neutral group term Original: whites are noticeably Suggested revision: white employees were noticeably Why it matters: This identifies the workforce group precisely and maintains past-time reporting.
- 9. Correct representation term Original: over-presented in the higher job positions Suggested revision: over-represented in top management positions Why it matters: The replacement uses the correct term and the level named by the charts.
- 10. Clarify percentage groups Original: compared to only 4.7% and 14.3% Coloured and Africans Suggested revision: compared with only 4.7% for Coloured employees and 14.3% for Africans Why it matters: Each percentage needs an explicit link to its corresponding group.
- 11. Prefer precise noun Original: jobs Suggested revision: positions Why it matters: 'Positions' is more appropriate than 'jobs' for management-level shares.
- 12. Keep tense consistent Original: represent Suggested revision: represented Why it matters: The report data is from 2015/16, so past tense should be maintained.
Suggested Rewrites
- scenario profile
- different races and ethnicities racial groups
- the same ratio the corresponding distribution
- white dominant dominated by white employees
- whites are over-presented in private job sectors white employees are over-represented in the private sector
- the Africans Africans
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response gives a clear overview and accurately identifies the central contrast: White employees dominate overall and in the private sector, whereas African employees dominate public-sector management. However, the single-paragraph presentation and several inaccurate or awkward comparisons weaken precision, notably the three-in-five claim and the final comparison involving Indian, Coloured, and foreign-national shares. Organise the report into clear sections and verify each percentage against the charts.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The overview and most key proportions are accurate, but the private-sector White share is understated and the final racial comparison is not consistently true.
State the White private-sector figure as 72.4% and compare Indian, Coloured, and foreign-national shares separately by sector.
Coherence and Cohesion
The report follows a sensible introduction-overview-detail sequence, but presenting all 199 words as one paragraph weakens organisation.
Use separate paragraphs for the overview, overall workforce profile, and public-versus-private comparisons.
Lexical Resource
There is adequate range for describing dominance and proportions, but repeated awkward collocations such as over-presented and job ratio limit precision.
Use natural terms such as overrepresented, accounted for, and share of top-management positions.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex comparisons are attempted and meaning remains clear, although agreement, article, plural, and sentence-construction errors occur regularly.
Revise malformed comparison structures, particularly the sentences beginning Every three out of five and Finally, Indians accounted.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The charts below show the workforce profile at the top management jobs by ethnicity and race in South Africa based on a 2015/16 report. Write a report for a university teacher describing the information shown in the diagrams below. Workforce profile at Top Management level by race in SA Workforce profile at Top Management level for public and private sector by race in SA
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.