The charts below show the workforce profile at the top management jobs by ethnicity and race in South Africa based on a 2015/16 report.
Sample Response
The pie chart displays the proportions of top-management positionsproportions of top job positions held by people, categorized into five racial or nationality groupsfive different races, while the bar chart shows the comparison of racial groups across the public and private sectorscomparison based on races along with public and private sectors. Both charts are based on a report about South Africa in 2015/16. Overall, white people were dominant at the top-management leveldominant in top management level and also held the majority of private-sector top-management jobsmajority of private sector jobs. On the other hand, public sector had the presence of Africans more than any other nation. To begin with, approximately 68.9%about 2 out of every 3 top positions belonged to white people in South Africa in the 2015/16 reporting periodduring 2015 and 2016. By comparisonAt the same time, Africans accounted for 14.3 percent of those jobs. On the other hand, the remaining three races had their figures of less than 10%. In detail, IndiansIndian people represented 8.6%, almost doubledoubled the percentage of coloured people (4.7%), while foreigners only held 3.5 percent of all top-level positionstop level positions. Regarding the bar chart, Africans accounted forAfricans took over more than 73% of public job positions and a nearly equal proportion was recordedan almost equal figure can be seen for white people in private jobs. Indians heldhold 8.7 and 6.5 percent of private and public sector job positions, respectively. On the other hand, coloured people and foreigners were around 4% in private sector while the percentage of foreigners holding top positionspostions in public sector jobs was negligible (only 0.4%).
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response selects the most important features from both charts, provides a clear overview, and reports nearly all figures accurately with useful comparisons. Its main limitation is language control: several awkward race-and-sector collocations and recurring article, tense, and clause-form errors weaken an otherwise clear report; prioritise precise category wording and a careful grammar check while retaining the effective data selection.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The report gives a clear overview of the contrasting racial profiles and accurately supports it with well-selected figures from both charts.
Complete the comparison by briefly including the notable minority figures omitted from the public and private sectors, especially white public-sector and African private-sector representation.
Coherence and Cohesion
The information progresses clearly from the overall pattern to the pie chart and then the sector comparison, although linking phrases are somewhat repetitive.
Use fewer formulaic transitions such as "On the other hand" and let the race and sector groupings carry the progression.
Lexical Resource
A varied range of data-description vocabulary supports precise reporting, despite occasional awkward choices such as "took over" and "private jobs."
Use neutral category language consistently, such as "accounted for," "top-management positions," and "private-sector roles."
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied complex structures effectively, but recurring article, tense, comparison, and clause-form errors reduce control.
Proofread for articles before sector labels, consistent past tense, and complete comparative clauses such as "nearly double the proportion."
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The charts below show the workforce profile at the top management jobs by ethnicity and race in South Africa based on a 2015/16 report.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.