The charts below show the workforce profile at the top management jobs by ethnicity and race in South Africa based on a 2015/16 report. Write a report for a university teacher describing the information shown in the diagrams below. Workforce profile at Top Management level by race in SA Workforce profile at Top Management level for public and private sector by race in SA
Sample Response
The pie chart displays the proportions of top job positions held by people, categorized into five different races, while the bar chart shows the comparison based on races along with public and private sectors. Both charts are based on a report about South Africa in 2015/16. Overall, white people were dominant in top management level and also held the majority of private sector jobs. On the other hand, public sector had the presence of Africans more than any other nation. To begin with, about 2 out of every 3 top positions belonged to white people in South Africa during 2015 and 2016. At the same time, Africans accounted for 14.3 percent of those jobs. On the other hand, the remaining three races had their figures of less than 10%. In detail, Indian people represented 8.6%, almost doubled the percentage of coloured people (4.7%), while foreigners only held 3.5 percent of all top level positions. Regarding the bar chart, Africans took over more than 73% of public job positions and an almost equal figure can be seen for white people in private jobs. Indians hold 8.7 and 6.5 percent of private and public sector job positions, respectively. On the other hand, coloured people and foreigners were around 4% in private sector while the percentage of foreigners holding top postions in public sector jobs was negligible (only 0.4%).
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use accurate grouping Original: five different races Suggested revision: five racial or nationality groups Why it matters: The chart includes foreign nationals, so not all five categories are races.
- 2. Clarify the comparison Original: comparison based on races along with public and private sectors Suggested revision: comparison of racial groups across the public and private sectors Why it matters: The revised phrase clearly states what the bars compare.
- 3. Correct the preposition Original: dominant in top management level Suggested revision: dominant at the top-management level Why it matters: Use “at” when referring to a management level.
- 4. Use comparison form Original: doubled Suggested revision: double Why it matters: After “was,” this comparison requires the adjective form “double,” not the past-tense verb.
- 5. Use neutral data language Original: Africans took over Suggested revision: Africans accounted for Why it matters: “Accounted for” accurately describes a proportion without implying an action.
- 6. Keep past tense Original: hold Suggested revision: held Why it matters: The report describes data from 2015/16, so the verb should remain in the past tense.
- 7. Correct the spelling Original: postions Suggested revision: positions Why it matters: “Positions” is misspelled.
- 8. Use concise chart language Original: proportions of top job positions held by people Suggested revision: proportions of top-management positions Why it matters: The shorter phrase identifies the measured category without redundant wording.
- 9. Specify management posts Original: majority of private sector jobs Suggested revision: majority of private-sector top-management jobs Why it matters: The bar chart concerns top-management posts rather than private-sector employment generally.
- 10. Use the exact figure Original: about 2 out of every 3 Suggested revision: approximately 68.9% Why it matters: The pie chart provides the precise white share, so the percentage is more informative.
- 11. Name the report period Original: during 2015 and 2016 Suggested revision: in the 2015/16 reporting period Why it matters: The charts describe one reporting period rather than two separate annual results.
- 12. Signal a comparison Original: At the same time Suggested revision: By comparison Why it matters: The relationship between the white and African shares is comparative, not temporal.
Suggested Rewrites
- five different races five racial or nationality groups
- comparison based on races along with public and private sectors comparison of racial groups across the public and private sectors
- dominant in top management level dominant at the top-management level
- doubled double
- Africans took over Africans accounted for
- hold held
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response selects the most important features from both charts, provides a clear overview, and reports nearly all figures accurately with useful comparisons. Its main limitation is language control: several awkward race-and-sector collocations and recurring article, tense, and clause-form errors weaken an otherwise clear report; prioritise precise category wording and a careful grammar check while retaining the effective data selection.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The report gives a clear overview of the contrasting racial profiles and accurately supports it with well-selected figures from both charts.
Complete the comparison by briefly including the notable minority figures omitted from the public and private sectors, especially white public-sector and African private-sector representation.
Coherence and Cohesion
The information progresses clearly from the overall pattern to the pie chart and then the sector comparison, although linking phrases are somewhat repetitive.
Use fewer formulaic transitions such as "On the other hand" and let the race and sector groupings carry the progression.
Lexical Resource
A varied range of data-description vocabulary supports precise reporting, despite occasional awkward choices such as "took over" and "private jobs."
Use neutral category language consistently, such as "accounted for," "top-management positions," and "private-sector roles."
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied complex structures effectively, but recurring article, tense, comparison, and clause-form errors reduce control.
Proofread for articles before sector labels, consistent past tense, and complete comparative clauses such as "nearly double the proportion."
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The charts below show the workforce profile at the top management jobs by ethnicity and race in South Africa based on a 2015/16 report. Write a report for a university teacher describing the information shown in the diagrams below. Workforce profile at Top Management level by race in SA Workforce profile at Top Management level for public and private sector by race in SA
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.