The graphs below show the Expenditure on Health & Education, UAE as percentages of GDP and Infant mortality and life expectancy.
Sample Response
The bar graph compares the UAE government’s expenditures on health and education sectors in three different years with a 5 years gap while the line graph shows the infant mortality rate and citizens' life expectancy from 1970 to 1992. As is evident, the UAE government spent more on healthcare and education in 1990 than they did in the past while citizens’ life expectancy enhanced along with declining the infant mortality rate. As is given in the diagrams, the UAE government spent less than 8% of their GDP on healthcare in 1985 and just 10% on education. After 5 years, the spending on healthcare decreased slightly but increased dramatically in the education sector. In the final year, both sectors got priority and the spending on health sector increased to 10% while it was about 15% of the GDP in education. The line graph represents that the percentage of spending in the UAE had a direct impact on their citizens’ life expectancy and infant's mortality rate. While the life expectancy in the UAE was just 60 years in 1970, it increased to over 70 in 1992. On the other hand, the infant mortality rate decreased to just 20% in 1992 from the astonishing 70% in 1970.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Correct noun phrase Original: expenditures on health and education sectors Suggested revision: expenditure on the health and education sectors Why it matters: Use the uncountable noun “expenditure” and articles before the named sectors.
- 2. Correct year intervals Original: in three different years with a 5 years gap Suggested revision: in 1985, 1990 and 1993 Why it matters: Only the first interval is five years; the final interval is three years.
- 3. Use natural reporting phrase Original: As is given in the diagrams Suggested revision: As shown in the graphs Why it matters: This is the standard concise phrase for referring to visual data.
- 4. Match singular government Original: their Suggested revision: its Why it matters: The singular noun “government” takes the singular possessive pronoun “its.”
- 5. Name the year Original: After 5 years Suggested revision: In 1990 Why it matters: The exact year connects the description more clearly to the bar chart.
- 6. Clarify separate trends Original: the spending on healthcare decreased slightly but increased dramatically in the education sector Suggested revision: healthcare spending decreased slightly, while education spending rose sharply Why it matters: The revision gives each sector its own clear subject and trend.
- 7. Report visible change Original: both sectors got priority Suggested revision: spending on both sectors increased Why it matters: The chart shows expenditure levels and does not establish government priorities.
- 8. Add required article Original: spending on health sector Suggested revision: spending on the health sector Why it matters: A definite article is needed before the specific sector.
- 9. Clarify education figure Original: while it was about 15% of the GDP in education Suggested revision: while education spending was about 15% of GDP Why it matters: The revision replaces the unclear pronoun with the quantity being described.
- 10. Use reporting verb Original: represents Suggested revision: shows Why it matters: “Shows that” is the natural structure for introducing information from a graph.
- 11. Avoid causal claim Original: had a direct impact on Suggested revision: was presented alongside Why it matters: The two graphs do not demonstrate that government spending directly caused the demographic changes.
- 12. Fix possessive reference Original: their citizens’ Suggested revision: the country’s Why it matters: This possessive clearly refers to the UAE rather than to a plural antecedent.
Suggested Rewrites
- expenditures on health and education sectors expenditure on the health and education sectors
- in three different years with a 5 years gap in 1985, 1990 and 1993
- As is given in the diagrams As shown in the graphs
- their its
- After 5 years In 1990
- the spending on healthcare decreased slightly but increased dramatically in the education sector healthcare spending decreased slightly, while education spending rose sharply
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response covers both visuals, highlights the broad spending and demographic trends, and supports most observations with relevant figures. The main weakness is inaccurate interpretation: infant mortality is reported as a percentage rather than deaths per 1,000 births, and a direct causal link between spending and outcomes is asserted without evidence; correcting these points and using separate paragraphs for the two visuals should take priority.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
Both visuals are addressed with a relevant overview and mostly accurate figures, but important interpretation errors reduce precision.
State infant mortality in deaths per 1,000 births and describe parallel trends without claiming that spending directly caused the outcomes.
Coherence and Cohesion
The sequence from expenditure to life expectancy and mortality is understandable, but the entire response forms one dense paragraph.
Separate the overview, expenditure details, and demographic data into distinct paragraphs with clearer comparative grouping.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a reasonable range of topic vocabulary, though several collocations such as 'life expectancy enhanced' and 'sectors got priority' are awkward.
Use precise alternatives such as 'life expectancy rose,' 'spending increased,' and 'the infant mortality rate fell.'
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Varied sentence forms convey the message, but recurring errors in agreement, possession, and noun phrases reduce accuracy.
Correct forms such as 'a five-year interval,' 'the health sector,' and 'the infant mortality rate,' and avoid unclear pronoun references.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graphs below show the Expenditure on Health & Education, UAE as percentages of GDP and Infant mortality and life expectancy.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.