The graphs below show the Expenditure on Health & Education, UAE as percentages of GDP and Infant mortality and life expectancy.
Sample Response
The bar graph illustrates the expenditure on health and education sectors in the UAE, measured as the percentage of GDP, in three different years- 1985, 1990 and 1994 while the line graph demonstrates child mortality and life expectancy from 1970 to 1992. According to the diagram, investment in both health and education in the UAE grew over the time and infant mortality and life expectancy scenario improved. As is presented, expense on public health in 1985 was nearly 8% of the GDP in the UAE, whereas it slightly decreased half a decade later. In 1993, however, the healthcare expense made up 10% of the total GDP. Education expenditure rose constantly from 1985 to 1993 and UAE’s expenditure in education was higher than that of healthcare. In 1985, one-tenth GDP went on the education sector and it grew as high as 15% after 8 years. The line graph shows the infant mortality rates and citizens’ life expectancy between 1970 and 1992. It is evident that child death rate noticeably declined during the period from 70 deaths per thousand in 1970 to 20 per thousand is a great improvement indeed. Consequently, people’s life expectancy rose from 60 years to 70 years in just 22 years.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Correct year and dash Original: years- 1985, 1990 and 1994 Suggested revision: years—1985, 1990 and 1993 Why it matters: The final bar-chart year is 1993, and an em dash should not be followed by a space.
- 2. Match chart term Original: child Suggested revision: infant Why it matters: Infant mortality is the precise measure named in the line graph.
- 3. Use natural reporting phrase Original: As is presented Suggested revision: As shown Why it matters: As shown is the conventional concise phrase for referring to visual data.
- 4. Use accurate collocation Original: expense on public health Suggested revision: healthcare expenditure Why it matters: Expenditure is the appropriate formal noun for the percentage of GDP shown.
- 5. Remove unnecessary article Original: of the GDP Suggested revision: of GDP Why it matters: GDP is normally used without the in this percentage expression.
- 6. Use direct trend verb Original: slightly decreased Suggested revision: fell slightly Why it matters: Fell slightly describes the downward movement more naturally.
- 7. Use formal measure Original: expense Suggested revision: expenditure Why it matters: Expenditure is the standard term for the GDP measure in the chart.
- 8. Avoid redundant modifier Original: total GDP Suggested revision: GDP Why it matters: GDP already denotes the total measure, so total is unnecessary.
- 9. Describe three values Original: rose constantly Suggested revision: increased across the three years Why it matters: The chart presents three discrete years rather than a continuous trend.
- 10. Correct preposition Original: UAE’s expenditure in education Suggested revision: the UAE’s expenditure on education Why it matters: Expenditure takes on when naming the funded sector.
- 11. Add required preposition Original: one-tenth GDP Suggested revision: one-tenth of GDP Why it matters: The fraction requires of before the measured whole.
- 12. Use spending collocation Original: went on the education sector Suggested revision: was allocated to the education sector Why it matters: Allocated to is the appropriate formal phrasing for expenditure.
Suggested Rewrites
- years- 1985, 1990 and 1994 years—1985, 1990 and 1993
- child infant
- As is presented As shown
- expense on public health healthcare expenditure
- of the GDP of GDP
- slightly decreased fell slightly
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response’s strongest feature is its clear overview and generally accurate selection of the principal changes in both visuals, supported by useful endpoint figures and a direct health-education comparison. The main limitation is that all information is compressed into one paragraph and some awkward grammar and year references weaken precision; the priority is to separate overview and details, then proofread complex sentences and dates carefully.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The response clearly identifies the main trends and reports the most important values and comparisons with only minor imprecision.
Maintain exact year references throughout and add the intermediate education figure to make the bar-chart coverage more complete.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information progresses logically from the bar chart to the line graph, but the lack of paragraphing limits clarity and grouping.
Create a separate overview and use distinct detail paragraphs for expenditure and population outcomes.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and generally appropriate, although a few collocations such as scenario improved and expense on public health are awkward.
Prefer precise combinations such as health expenditure, mortality fell, and life expectancy increased.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied complex structures with generally clear meaning, but several article, preposition, punctuation, and clause errors remain.
Proofread long sentences for complete clause boundaries, particularly the sentence describing the fall in infant mortality.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graphs below show the Expenditure on Health & Education, UAE as percentages of GDP and Infant mortality and life expectancy.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.