The chart below shows the percentage of people who ate at least five portions of fruit and vegetables per day in the UK from 2001 to 2008.
This response is estimated at Band 6.5. Can you write a better one?
Write yours and get clear feedback on all four criteria.
- Closest to official scores
- What to fix on each criterion
- Feedback in about 20 seconds · free
Sample Response
This bar chart illustrateselaborates the percentage of people who ate at least five portions of fruit and vegetables per day in the UK from 2001 to 2008 acrossin perspective of men, women, and children.
Overall, while the percentage of all three groupsthe main trend of percentage point rose from 2001 to 2006, that fromform 2007 to 2008 shows an opposite downward trenda opposite declination. The most striking feature is the percentage of women was the highestrecorded in the highest figure ,followed by men and children.
In 2001, the percentage of men stood atStarting at 2001 , the percentage point of men started at about 18%, remained stable from 2001 to 2003, rose togrew up to the peak of 27% in 2006 ,finally dropped a little from 2006 to 2008. Women, by comparison, roserouse from about 21% to about 35% during 5 years , and from 2006,and form 2006 to 2008,dropped down to a same status with which in 2004.
UnlikeDifferent to the steady climbing for men as well as women ,the percentage point of children remained almost the samealmost same from 2001 to 2003 and 2004 to 2005 ,but with a sharp increasea soaring from about 12% to 17% from 2003 to 2004 and about 18% to 24% from 2005 to 2006, the trend of climbing finally stopped at 26% in 2007, and a same droppingdroping down trend like men's and women's from 2007 to 2008 about 2 percentage pointsabout 2% points.
Why this response received Band 6.5
文章完整涵盖了图表的主要趋势、数据特征及三类人群的对比，并给出了清晰的概述。然而，拼写错误、不恰当的词汇替换以及复杂的语法结构控制不足影响了语言表达的准确性。建议重点加强谓语动词拼写、预干搭配以及长难句句型的语法规范性。
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
任务完成度
成功总结了主要趋势与对比关系，并给出了明确的概述段落及准确的具体数据支持。
注意细微数据的描述精准度，避免将百分比（percentage）混淆为百分点（percentage points）。
连贯与衔接
文章分段清晰且逻辑顺序合理，但在部分连接词和句间衔接短语的使用上略显生硬或有误。
使用更加自然规范的衔接短语（如 compared with、in terms of），替换不准确的机械连接。
词汇资源
尝试使用丰富的词汇进行描述，但出现了多处拼写错误与不恰当的词组搭配。
积累并熟练掌握常用数据描述动词及变体（如 rose、declined），避免拼写错误如 droping 或误用 declination。
语法多样性与准确性
展现了一定的复杂句式使用意图，但标点符号错漏及结构性语法错误出现较为频繁。
在书写长难句时拆分多余的逗号连接句，确保主谓一致与介词短语修饰语的准确性。