The line graphs below show the production and demand for steel in million tonnes and the number of workers employed in the steel industry in the UK in 2010.
Sample Response
The first line graph presents a comparative analysis of the market requirement for steel and production of this material in 2010 in the UK. The second graph shows the total number of workers employed in this industry in the same year. Overall, the steel production in the UK in 2010 sur-plused the demand, except at the end of the year. The production of steel throughout the time exceeded the demand. In the first quarter of the year, the actual market call for steel started at 2000 million tonnes in January, but production was two times with a continuous rise. Later somewhere in April, the demand started reducing, but production was soaring and reached 5000 million tonnes. Moreover, demand showed further fluctuations approximately till November and fell to almost zero whereas production of the steel attained plateau for some time with further variations and started falling later. After that, in December the demand was nearly double than the production. From the second graph, it is evident that the total number of workers in the steel industry in the UK was 5000,000 in January and it rose for a month or so. But it then showed a sudden plunge and reached 3000,000 by April, with further fluctuations in number till August. However, the number of workers continued to fall and reached 1000,000 by the end of the year.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Natural chart term Original: market requirement for steel Suggested revision: demand for steel Why it matters: Demand is the standard term used in the graph and is more concise.
- 2. Incorrect verb Original: sur-plused the demand Suggested revision: exceeded demand Why it matters: Surplus is not used as a verb in this way.
- 3. Specify the exception Original: except at the end of the year Suggested revision: except in December Why it matters: Naming the month makes the overview precise.
- 4. Contradictory overview Original: throughout the time exceeded Suggested revision: exceeded demand for most of the year Why it matters: Production did not exceed demand in December, so throughout is inaccurate.
- 5. Wrong collocation Original: actual market call for steel Suggested revision: actual demand for steel Why it matters: Market call is not a natural synonym for demand here.
- 6. Incomplete comparison Original: production was two times Suggested revision: production was twice as high Why it matters: Twice requires a complete comparative construction.
- 7. Wrong timing Original: Later somewhere in April Suggested revision: By February Why it matters: Production peaks at about 5,000 in February, not April.
- 8. Inaccurate trend Original: production was soaring Suggested revision: production had fallen to about 3,800 million tonnes Why it matters: The graph shows a fall from the February peak by April.
- 9. Awkward time phrase Original: approximately till November Suggested revision: until November Why it matters: The approximation is unnecessary when the month is labelled.
- 10. Missing article Original: attained plateau Suggested revision: reached a plateau Why it matters: Plateau is a countable noun here and needs an article.
- 11. Faulty comparison Original: double than the production Suggested revision: roughly twice the production figure Why it matters: Use twice, not double than, for this comparison.
- 12. Incorrect unit Original: 5000,000 in January Suggested revision: 5,000 workers in January Why it matters: The workforce graph is in thousands and the plotted value is about 5,000.
Suggested Rewrites
- market requirement for steel demand for steel
- sur-plused the demand exceeded demand
- except at the end of the year except in December
- throughout the time exceeded exceeded demand for most of the year
- actual market call for steel actual demand for steel
- production was two times production was twice as high
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response identifies the broad surplus in steel production and the overall fall in employment, and it includes figures from both visuals. However, the overview contradicts itself and several dates, movements, and units are inaccurate or imprecise. Prioritise a single accurate overview, then organise the detail chronologically with carefully checked monthly values and correct thousand/million units.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
Both graphs are addressed and some major trends are recognised, but the overview is internally inconsistent and several key figures and timings do not match the visuals.
State two accurate overview features, then verify every reported month, direction, and unit against the graphs before adding detail.
Coherence and Cohesion
The report has an introduction, overview language, and a generally chronological path, but it is written as one dense paragraph and some references and transitions obscure the sequence.
Use four paragraphs: introduction, overview, steel details, and workforce details, with precise time references in each detail paragraph.
Lexical Resource
There is a reasonable range of trend vocabulary, but several collocations are unnatural or inaccurate, including expressions for surplus, demand, and stable movement.
Prefer standard Task 1 combinations such as exceeded demand, remained stable, fell sharply, and stood at.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of structures is attempted, but article, comparison, preposition, and clause-control errors occur regularly, though meaning remains mostly clear.
Check comparative forms, articles, and complete clause structure, especially when joining several changes in one sentence.