The line graphs below show the production and demand for steel in million tonnes and the number of workers employed in the steel industry in the UK in 2010.
Sample Response
The first line graph compares the steel production and the demand in the UK in 2010 while the second one reveals the employee number in the industry in the same year. Overall, the production of steel was higher throughout the year than that of the demand except in December and the highest number of employees was employed in this industry at the beginning of the year. According to the first graph, the UK produced 4000 million tonnes steel in January 2010 and at that time the demand was exactly half of that. After the first quarter, the production and needs for steel remained almost the same. At the end of the second quarter, August, the UK’s steel production stool at just over 3 thousand million tonnes against a million tonnes less demand. From January to November, the production was higher than the demand and the gap between these two was on average a million tonne. However, the scenario shifted dramatically at the end of the year. From September to November, the steel production plummeted and so did the demand. In December, the demand for steel exceeded the total production. The second line graph reveals that 5 million employees worked in the steel industry and this number dropped to two million less in April. From that time onward, the employee number showed some fluctuations and in August, the UK steel sector employed around 3.5 million workers. This number continuously dropped throughout the rest of the year and declined to 1 million in December.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Natural noun phrase Original: employee number Suggested revision: number of workers Why it matters: This matches the graph title and sounds more natural.
- 2. Add exception Original: higher throughout the year Suggested revision: higher for most of the year Why it matters: Demand exceeded production in December.
- 3. Missing preposition Original: 4000 million tonnes steel Suggested revision: 4,000 million tonnes of steel Why it matters: Use of after tonnes.
- 4. Use chart term Original: needs for steel Suggested revision: demand for steel Why it matters: Demand is the standard term used in the graph.
- 5. Wrong quarter Original: At the end of the second quarter, August Suggested revision: In August Why it matters: August is in the third quarter, not the end of the second quarter.
- 6. Typo Original: production stool at Suggested revision: production stood at Why it matters: Stool is a spelling error for stood.
- 7. Comparison phrase Original: a million tonnes less demand Suggested revision: demand about one thousand million tonnes lower Why it matters: The comparison needs a clearer structure and unit.
- 8. Imprecise gap Original: the gap between these two was on average a million tonne Suggested revision: the gap varied considerably Why it matters: The gap changes widely across the year.
- 9. Demand pattern Original: and so did the demand Suggested revision: while demand also fell sharply before recovering in December Why it matters: Demand drops close to zero before rising again at the end.
- 10. Worker fluctuation Original: continuously dropped Suggested revision: generally declined, despite a rise around August Why it matters: The workers graph rises to about 3,500 thousand in August before falling.
- 11. Natural subject Original: employee number showed Suggested revision: number of workers showed Why it matters: This matches the graph title.
- 12. Sentence rewrite Original: Overall, the production of steel was higher throughout the year than that of the demand except in December and the highest number of employees was employed in this industry at the beginning of the year. Suggested revision: Overall, production was higher than demand for most of the year, except in December, while the workforce was highest near the beginning and lowest at the end. Why it matters: This is clearer and acknowledges the December exception.
Suggested Rewrites
- employee number number of workers
- higher throughout the year higher for most of the year
- 4000 million tonnes steel 4,000 million tonnes of steel
- needs for steel demand for steel
- At the end of the second quarter, August In August
- production stool at production stood at
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The response identifies the broad relationship between production and demand and notes the fall in workers by December. However, several details are imprecise: August is not the end of the second quarter, production fluctuates before falling, demand drops close to zero before recovering in December, and worker numbers briefly rise around August.
Report the year in monthly stages: high production early, a peak around February, a late-year production collapse, demand's near-zero point before December, and the worker spike around August.
Coherence and Cohesion
The report has an overview and follows the two graphs in order, but some sequencing is confusing and the long paragraph would benefit from clearer staging.
Use one paragraph for production versus demand and one for workers, with month references grouped into early, mid, and late year.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is generally appropriate, but some phrases are awkward or incorrect, including needs for steel, production stool, and employee number.
Use demand, stood at, workforce, number of workers, fell sharply, recovered, and fluctuated.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
There are frequent article, preposition, and word-form errors, but the report remains understandable.
Check countable nouns and units, especially million tonnes of steel and workers in thousands.