The pie chart shows the amount of money that a children's charity located in the USA spent and received in one year, 2016.
This response is estimated at Band 8.0. Can you write a better one?
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Sample Response
The two pie charts illustrate the amounts of revenue and expenditure for a children's charity in the USA in 2016.
Overall, donated food accounted for the largest proportion of revenue, while program services represented the majority of expenditure. In addition, total revenue was slightly higher than total expenditure.
Donated food made up 86.6% of the total revenue, making it the dominant segment. Meanwhile, program servicesIn addition, program services accounted for nearly all of the charity's expenditure, at 95.8%. None of the remaining categories in either chart exceeded 10.4%. Community contributions, the second-largest revenue source, brought in 10.4% of overall income, followed by program revenue at 2.2%program revenue, at 2.2%. Investment income and government grants each generated a marginal 0.2%, while other income supplied 0.4%.
Turning to the remaining expenditures, fundraising and management and general werefundraising as well as management and general were the only two other expenditure categories, with 2.6% and 1.6%, respectively. Overall,In general, the total amount of revenue was $53,561,580, which was exceedingjust enough to cover the expenditure of $53,224,896.
Why this response received Band 8.0
The essay presents an exceptionally clear, detailed, and accurate summary of the visual data with a strong overview highlighting main trends. Paragraphing and cohesive features logically guide the reader, supported by precise terminology and varied grammatical structures. To improve further, ensure smoother transitions when switching between numerical figures to maintain cohesive flow across paragraphs.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
All key features and accurate data points are fully presented alongside a clear and appropriate overview.
Maintain this level of accuracy by double-checking all figures against the chart labels.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is logically organized with clear paragraphing and smooth progression throughout.
Vary linking words further to connect sentences without relying on repeated additive markers like 'in addition'.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is natural, varied, and appropriate for describing data precisely and concisely.
Incorporate a wider range of collocations for describing proportions and dynamic chart features.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Grammatical structures are varied, flexible, and accurate with virtually no errors.
Continue combining complex clause structures seamlessly to refine sentence structure variety.