The chart below shows information about Heart Attacks by Ages and Genders in the USA.
Sample Response
The bar chart gives information on the number of Americans who experience a heart attack in a year based on their gender and age groups. Overall, males have a significantly higher rate of myocardial infarction, a medical term used for heart attack, than that of females and older Americans are more prone to have heart attacks than young ones. As is presented in the diagram, more than 120 thousand American males between 29 and 44 years get a heart attack while it is scarcely the case among the women of the same age group. The heart attach rate considerably goes higher with the increase of the age and for the Americans over 65 years, this rate is the highest. While over 420 thousand males suffer from this in a year who are middle-aged, it is noticeably lower for women from the same age group. However, Americans over 65 years old suffer from a heart attack the most regardless of their gender and 440 thousand males have had it in a year against the 374 thousand women.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use concise preposition Original: based on their gender and age groups Suggested revision: by gender and age group Why it matters: This is the standard concise structure for describing grouped chart data.
- 2. Report counts accurately Original: rate of myocardial infarction Suggested revision: annual number of heart attacks Why it matters: The chart gives numbers in thousands, not rates.
- 3. Fix comparison Original: than that of females Suggested revision: than females Why it matters: The sentence compares males with females, so 'that of' creates an incorrect comparison.
- 4. Use formal noun Original: young ones Suggested revision: younger people Why it matters: 'Younger people' is more precise and suitably formal for a report.
- 5. Use concise reference Original: As is presented in the diagram Suggested revision: As shown in the chart Why it matters: This introduces the supporting detail more directly.
- 6. Express age range Original: between 29 and 44 years Suggested revision: aged 29 to 44 Why it matters: This is the correct structure for describing an age group.
- 7. Use formal verb Original: get a heart attack while Suggested revision: experience a heart attack, while Why it matters: 'Experience' is the appropriate formal verb, and the contrast needs a comma.
- 8. State comparison directly Original: scarcely the case among the women Suggested revision: far lower among women Why it matters: The chart shows 3,000 women compared with 123,000 men, so a direct quantitative comparison is clearer.
- 9. Correct term and measure Original: heart attach rate Suggested revision: number of heart attacks Why it matters: 'Attack' is misspelled, and the chart reports numbers rather than a rate.
- 10. Use trend verb Original: considerably goes higher Suggested revision: rises considerably Why it matters: This is the natural academic expression for an increasing figure.
- 11. Simplify age phrase Original: with the increase of the age Suggested revision: with age Why it matters: The original noun phrase is unidiomatic and unnecessarily wordy.
- 12. Correct age structure Original: the Americans over 65 years Suggested revision: Americans aged 65 and over Why it matters: This is the correct adjectival structure for the oldest age group.
Suggested Rewrites
- based on their gender and age groups by gender and age group
- rate of myocardial infarction annual number of heart attacks
- than that of females than females
- young ones younger people
- As is presented in the diagram As shown in the chart
- between 29 and 44 years aged 29 to 44
Why this response received Band 7.0
The report gives a clear overview of both central patterns and supports them with accurate figures for men across all age groups and both sexes among those aged 65 or over. Its main limitation is uneven detail, since the female values for the two younger groups are only described vaguely. Prioritise complete cross-gender comparisons for each age band while tightening awkward sentence structures and tense use.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The two main trends are accurately identified and most key figures are reported, but younger female values are not quantified.
Include the female figures of 3 thousand and 136 thousand to complete each age-group comparison.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information moves logically from the overview through the three age groups, although it remains in one dense paragraph.
Separate the overview from the age-group details and use one focused comparison for each group.
Lexical Resource
The response shows useful range, including myocardial infarction and age-group language, but several collocations are awkward and heart attack is misspelled once.
Use consistent terms such as experienced a heart attack, rose with age, and annual number of cases.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex sentences convey the comparisons clearly overall, but tense shifts, article errors, and an awkward relative clause reduce control.
Report all chart data in a consistent present or past frame and simplify relative clauses with clear subjects.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The chart below shows information about Heart Attacks by Ages and Genders in the USA.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.