The chart below shows information about Heart Attacks by Ages and Genders in the USA. Heart Attacks per year, USA (in thousands)
Sample Response
The given chart shows data on the number of the US people who suffer from heart attack dividing them into three age groups. As is observed from the given information, men have more heart attack rates than female and both men and women over 65 years old are prone to heart attack than younger age groups.
Men have more heart attach rates than women in all age groups. Firstly, 123 thousand men suffer from heart attacks compared to the 3 thousand female who fall under the 29 to 44 age group. Again, among the 45 to 64 years group, more than 400 thousand men have had heart attacks and this number is almost three times higher than the rate among female of this age group. Finally, US people over 65 years old suffer from heart attacks more than other two age groups and that exceeds 300 thousand for female and 400 thousand for men. Women in 65+ age group suffer from heart attacks significantly more than other age groups.
In conclusion, more American men suffer from heart attacks than women and this rate is higher among the people over 65 years old.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix the comparison Original: more heart attack rates than female Suggested revision: higher heart-attack figures than women Why it matters: Use “higher” for figures and the plural noun “women” for the gender category.
- 2. Complete the comparative Original: are prone to heart attack than Suggested revision: are more prone to heart attacks than Why it matters: The comparative structure requires “more,” and “heart attacks” should be plural here.
- 3. Correct the term Original: heart attach rates Suggested revision: heart-attack figures Why it matters: “Attach” is a spelling error, and “figures” better describes the charted numbers.
- 4. Use plural noun Original: the 3 thousand female Suggested revision: 3 thousand women Why it matters: A numerical count requires the plural noun “women” and no definite article.
- 5. Form the age range Original: 45 to 64 years group Suggested revision: 45-to-64 age group Why it matters: Use a hyphenated age range before the noun “group.”
- 6. Correct number and phrasing Original: rate among female Suggested revision: figure for women Why it matters: The chart reports a numerical figure for plural women, not a rate among a singular female.
- 7. Add the article Original: other two age groups Suggested revision: the other two age groups Why it matters: The definite article is required because the two groups are already specified.
- 8. Add the article Original: Women in 65+ age group Suggested revision: Women in the 65+ age group Why it matters: A definite article is needed before the named age category.
- 9. Use concise age wording Original: the people over 65 years old Suggested revision: people aged 65 and over Why it matters: This is the standard concise way to describe the oldest chart category.
- 10. Use a direct overview Original: As is observed from the given information Suggested revision: Overall Why it matters: A direct overview signal is more concise and appropriate for the main trends.
- 11. Use concise age wording Original: men and women over 65 years old Suggested revision: men and women aged 65 and over Why it matters: This is the standard way to name the oldest age group.
- 12. Name the age group Original: Firstly Suggested revision: In the youngest group Why it matters: A category-based transition is more informative than a mechanical sequence marker.
Suggested Rewrites
- more heart attack rates than female higher heart-attack figures than women
- are prone to heart attack than are more prone to heart attacks than
- heart attach rates heart-attack figures
- the 3 thousand female 3 thousand women
- 45 to 64 years group 45-to-64 age group
- rate among female figure for women
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response accurately identifies the main gender and age patterns, covers every group, and supports them with appropriate figures. Its chief weakness is recurring imprecision in language—especially treating case totals as rates, using "female" as a plural noun, and forming comparisons incorrectly—so the highest-priority improvement is to describe the chart consistently in terms of numbers of men and women and proofread comparative structures.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
A clear overview captures both major trends, and the report accurately compares all age groups and genders with relevant data.
Increase precision by reporting the displayed totals as numbers of cases rather than calling them rates.
Coherence and Cohesion
The overview, detailed comparisons, and conclusion follow a clear sequence, though the conclusion largely repeats information already stated.
Use the final paragraph for a concise synthesis or omit it, and make the detail paragraph's age-group progression do the organisational work.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is adequate for the task, but repetition and recurring inaccurate choices such as "heart attack rates," "female," and "heart attach" limit precision.
Use consistent expressions such as "number of cases," "men and women," and "heart attacks" throughout.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The report attempts varied sentence forms, but frequent article, noun-form, comparison, and agreement errors are noticeable even though meaning remains clear.
Practise comparative patterns such as "higher than" and check plural count nouns and articles in every data sentence.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The chart below shows information about Heart Attacks by Ages and Genders in the USA. Heart Attacks per year, USA (in thousands)
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.