The graph below shows the percentages of US households owning five different kinds of technology between 1995 and 1999.
This response is estimated at Band 5.5. Can you write a better one?
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Sample Response
The line chart compares the percentages of US households owning washing machinesmachine, computer, phone, Internet and DVD player between 1995 and 1999.
Overall, it is clear that the proportions of all types of technological equipment had an upward trenda growing trend of different proportion of over the period from 1995 to 1999. In addition, the percentage of people in the US who ownedpeople in USA held washing machines was the highestwas at the highest one during these years, and the figure for DVD players owners experienced an initial diphad a falling process at the beginning.
To be more specific, when ranked by the share of USA residents as the owner who had washing machine, computer, phone, Internet and DVD player in 1995, washing machine accounted for the largest sharestood at the most percentage, with around 60%, followed by the computer owners' at round 40%, the DVD player owners' at about 25%, the phone owners' at 18% and the Internet owners' was the last one, at only about 10%. One year later, more US households owned these all kinds of technology except the DVD player, which fell by 10 percentage pointswhich decreased 10% from 1995 to 1996.
Turning to 1997Keeping going to the year 1997, the percentages of US residents with Internet accesswith the Internet was the same aswith the share of those owning DVD player, and both reached 30% in 1998continued for a year until 1998. Between 1998 and 1999During the last year between 1995 and 1999, the phone owners’ proportion increased from around 45% to 75%, becoming the second highest figureas the second percentage among these five kinds of technology. The ownership of DVD players fell to the lowest positionDVD player owners became the smallest share in 1999 at round 40% proportion, half that of washing machinesas half as washing machine owners’.
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response effectively identifies the main trends in household technology ownership and includes a clear overall overview. However, mechanical phrasing, inaccurate data comparisons, and frequent grammatical errors weaken the description. To improve, focus on refining complex sentence structures, choosing precise data-reporting vocabulary, and verifying numerical trends across all years.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
Key trends and figures are broadly covered with an overview, though minor data inaccuracies and misreadings of the graph are present.
Ensure all comparisons between categories and years accurately match the specific data points on the visual display.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay follows a logical structural flow across paragraphs, but transitions between data points sometimes feel awkward.
Use smoother, standard linkers to introduce time periods and comparisons instead of informal phrasing like keeping going.
Lexical Resource
The candidate attempts a range of task-relevant vocabulary, but word choices are frequently unidiomatic or inaccurate.
Practice using standard English collocations for data description, such as experienced a decline rather than had a falling process.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
While simple structures are understood, frequent grammatical and structural errors in complex sentences distract the reader.
Review noun modifier phrases and comparative grammar structures to ensure subject-verb agreement and accurate preposition use.