The graph below shows the percentages of US households owning five different kinds of technology between 1995 and 1999.
This response is estimated at Band 7.5. Can you write a better one?
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Sample Response
The line chart compares the percentages of US households owning washing machinesmachine, computers, phones, the Internet, and DVD playerscomputer, phone, Internet and DVD player between 1995 and 1999.
Overall, it is clear that the proportions of all types of technological equipment had an upward trend over the period from 1995 to 1999. In addition, the percentage of people in the USA who owned washing machines was the highest during these years, and the figure for DVD player owners had a dip at the beginning. ByB**y the end of the period, phone ownership experienced the steepest rise, overtaking computers to take second place.place.**
To be more specific, in 1995,**To be more specific, in 1995, washing machines had the highest ownership rate at around 60%, followed by computers at roughly 40%, DVD players at about 25%, phones at 18%, and the Internet at only 10%**. **One year later, ownership rates for all technologies rose except for DVD players, which dropped by 10 percentage points from 1995 to 1996.1996.**
Turning to 1997, the percentages of US residents with Internet access werewas the same as the share of those owning DVD playersplayer, and both reached 30% in 1998. During the last year between 1995 and 1999, the proportion of households with a phonethe phone owners’ proportion increased from around 45% to 75%, becoming the second highest figurebecoming the second figure among these five kinds of technology. The ownership of DVD players fell to the lowest position in 1999 at aroundround 40% proportion, exactly half that of washing machines, which reached 80%half that of washing machines.
Why this response received Band 7.5
functionality overview is clear, supported by accurately extracted figures and comparisons from the line chart. The main strength lies in the detailed description of key trends and accurate data reporting, including notable changes like phone ownership overtaking computers. To improve further, refine grammatical precision around article usage and varied sentence structures.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The response successfully highlights key features, presents a clear overview, and reports figures accurately throughout the period.
Continue maintaining high reporting accuracy while linking trends to highlight overall pattern contrasts more effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is organized logically across clear paragraphs with appropriate cohesive devices guiding the reader.
Vary transition phrases beyond basic chronological markers to create a smoother, more natural flow between details.
Lexical Resource
A good range of trend vocabulary and comparative expressions is used accurately to describe data changes.
Incorporate a wider range of precise lexical collocations and avoid slight awkwardness in phrases like 'round 40% proportion'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A variety of simple and complex sentence structures is controlled well, though minor grammatical errors occur.
Focus on minor article usage rules, such as adding necessary articles before singular countable nouns like 'washing machine'.